Disciplined or Obsessive?

[cat]

Hi there,

I'd like some opinions on my situation please: I've spent years having different therapies (inlcuding NLP and hypnosis), doing the whole self-help thing, attending courses and reading books voraciously. I've learnt a lot of helpful tools, experimented with habits that work best for me in my life, and have achieved many things I've dreamed of.

One of these goals was to eat a healthy diet. Over the years I have gradually phased out fast foods, most fats (except some 'good' oils), sugar and processed foods. I have also phased in organic fruit and vegies. I've tended to become a little obsessive and at times in the past have suffered from what has been labelled an eating disorder (however have overcome any starving/overly strict habits). My aim is to be healthy now, and not underweight. After specifically addressing the 'disorder' in two years of counselling, now I am eating a healthy balanced Vegan diet, I am at a healthy weight and feel really fit and energetic.

The only thing is, I only feel great when I prepare my own food or if food is prepared in a way I approve of, but if I find out (or suspect!) there has been any excess sugar, fat or salt in the meal, I can get quite distressed. This is making social events unbearable - I can bearly go out to dinner anymore, I feel 'unsafe' at even my 'safe' Vegan restaurants. The last counsellor I saw was trying to get me to become more flexible, but on the one hand I feel like I'm in the right, I'm eating according to what makes my body feel good. If I'm 'flexible' I feel like I'm being forced to put things in my body I don't want to, that I am failing myself, and that I'm compromsing my values. My boyfriend and some of my family think I'm being 'ridiclous' for caring about 'trace amounts' of sugar and salt - but the people who say these things to me aren't achieveing the results I want.

I have, as prescribed to me by my last consellor, banned reading diet or exercise articles and books, as I was getting obssessive with them. It is very hard for me still to walk past one without at least skimming it. Even self-help books for eating disorders seem to make things worse, as I focus on the issue over and over. 

I'm aware I've become too rigid (if it's causing me considerable distress), and perhaps righteous too, but I don't know what else to do.

It seems there are two choices: start being more flexible (which means what exactly?) and not get the results I want, or eat the way I want, but feel quite isolated around others. Actually, it seems that either way, I'm isolated. I'm happy with my body the way it is. I don't want to eat junk and go back to feeling lethargic like I was as a teenager. It doesn't feel fair like a fair choice to me.
 

Thanks,

Cat   



   

[vernon]

Hi cat

Hmmmmm... sounds like you're a disciplined obsessive to me ! My advice would be to get drunk so that you don't care about what you eat and regret it the next day and start again in earnest until the next relapse... only kidding. Do you drink though or is that too unhealthy for your present mindset ? It's a tricky one though and having spoken to a few people about it the general consensus was this - : For the occasions that you know this may happen , eat enough of your food ahead of time so that when you do go out to restaurants or friends you can limit the amount you eat , maybe feign illness . The other aspect that came out of the conversations was whether this was another type of eating disorder ? Good luck Cat ,let us know how you get on

Vernon

[cat]

Hi,

Suprise suprise I have cut alcohol out too, another social taboo. Partly because of excess calories and fear of it destroying my health, and partly because I'm so rigid that if I did drink, it would open the floodgates and I'd get proper DRUNK. Believe me, sometimes I would love nothing more than to get completely out of my head (I used to when I was younger and *what a mess!*)

there seems to be not much of a middle ground.

[vernon]

Wow it must be very difficult for you - maybe in the way you moved towards this situation you could imagine and then develop a different scenario that does not provide you with too much angst. Good luck .

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Cat

What do you find good in this situation?
What does it give you?
What one thing would you be willing to do different?
How many other vegans do you know?

Maybe if you had a network of people who are vegans, than I am sure could find a balance, as you could find out how other vegans, deal with having fun while out and about.

Now the choice of none choice is maybe a choice that you need to not think about, the good thing about food, is that there are so many, many choices, you have a global net work at your finger tips, where you can learn about good food from other parts of the world, Now if your in the USA or the UK then you have access, to a whole world of new and vegan friendly food.

Something that you have to consider if you have children then how is your limitations affecting them? If you are an older sister or an aunt, then how are your behaviours as a roll model affecting the younger people in your charge?

Just what type of roll model are you to the younger people that are in your family?

One thing that you can consider which is a two step activity, 1 write down everything that is good about the choices you have given your self, and go back in time to the very beginning, what was the motivations that put you on that path.

Then it a day and then do the same with write down everything that is limiting about the choices you have chosen.

Now read what you have written into a voice recorder and listen to it.

Once you have done that write down in as much detail as you can just how you would like your life to be. How would the world look, sound and feel if you could just have it the way you wanted.

Then read that in to the voice recorder and play it back.

Now using the limited life script and the best life script as a tool to focus your innate, obsessiveness, listen/read the limited once a week. And listen and read to the best life script every day first thing in the morning and some time in the evening.

Now I am going to suggest something that is and will be counter intuitive to most councillors, I want you to read ever food and diet related book and magazine and article you can find. Not only do I want you to read I want you to make take notes, and lots of them, then I want you to use you’re so called obsessiveness to write a word document. That as a 500,000 word count, now if you are as limited and as obsessive as you clime you will have to comply otherwise you have demonstrated that you have more choice than you think which mean you have to revaluate everything you have stated. 

So get busy read and do more reading, and take notes and write daily, there is a very, good reason for you to follow through with this. Yet I can‘t divulge other wise it would blow the whole thing out.



“We can live and die in the blink of an eye, so when the eye is open, LIVE”


Jay

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Cat

Here are two poems that jump into my head while I was thinking about your post.
 

Just be

There’s a flower in the corner of my mind
There’s a heart beat in the tears that fall
There’s a dream in the middle of know where
There’s a dance in the moon light
There’s a war in don’t want to fight
There’s wisdom in falling to my knees
There is no down fall for living
There are only dreams in the minds that want to be fulfilled 
There’s only one way to go
There’s only one way out
There’s only one way
Just live


Exceptional understanding

Can you hear the heart beat?
Can you feel the vibrations in the air?
Can you hear the thoughts in the hearts of others?
Do you hide out of site from the crowds?
Can you remember dancing in the clouds?
Can you go back and remember before this time?
Can you step in to the heart of another?
Do you fall to your knees when you forget to leave?
Do you wish you never entered a room?
Can you lose your self in the middle of know where?
Can you come back as good as new?
Can you whisper to the hearts that need you?
Can you be there when it’s time?
Can you be a light?
Can you open your mind?
Can you be the heart beat?
Can you set people free?

[cat]

Hi,

thankyou for the poems, I loved them, as well as the advice. I've started answering those questions for myself and researching, and I'm looking into online communities for people who choose a vegan lifestyle (already I feel more connected, I don't know any vegans in my real life! It's nice to talk in the forums about similar concerns, and suprisingly, I had some helpful advice for others, springing from my past experiences). It's funny, I went from seeing my veganism as a huge problem that was isolating me, as something that was hindering my path to being comfortable around food, to falling in love with it again. I remembered why I chose to eat this way. How good it makes me feel, how fit and healthy I am now. I feel drawn to experimenting with cookbooks, broadening my tastes and skills. The BEST thing I discovered, though, is that vegans come in so many different varieties: ones who are very strict, ones who are very relaxed and stick to the 'rules' only if it suits them, and everything in between. I wish that it wasn't a label. I want to say ' i  choose a vegan lifestyle' rather than 'i am vegan'. I want to let go of my perfectionism, because it doesn't give me room to be myself, to explore my own preferences, to occassionally not be 'perfect'.

And something in particular kept jumping out at me when I was researching and reading interviews, the idea that it is good to accept the individual nature of a healthy diet, that there are no 100% concrete rules, that I need to cut myself some slack. Obviously I have been trying to eat a 'perfect' diet; almost as though the food/vegan/exercise police would disapprove if I made once false move.

I liked this quote: (this was directly in relation to the notion of letting go of perfectionism as a vegan, as perfection is impossible, but I feel it relates also to perfectionsim in healthy eating) I now recommend that people focus on the bigger picture and not get hung up about technicalities that are drops in the ocean. Only go as far as you are prepared to and what you are ready for. This means different things to different people and everyone draws the line at a different place, and where they are comfortable. - David Ogilvie

In researching, I  don't see how I could ever get to that proposed word count, but I'm up to 5000 words so far, and I'm realising that my opinion keeps coming through when there is conflicting information about food. When I'd read lots of conflicting info in the past, it would all get jumbled in my head and I'd get upset and confused.  But on paper, it's easier for me to sort out what feels right for me (from experience and research). 

The life I want looks like this:
I love healthy fresh food that makes me feel good (already there!), I have lots of fun cooking new recipes and sharing food with others. I feel comfortable around food, knowing what I do most regularly is what counts. I exercise because it improves my quality of life. I appreciate my body and am thankful for all it does, and for how healthy I am. I treat myself with love, kindness and respect.       

I guess I know more than I give myself credit for and I have come a long way overall.


Cat

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Cat 

You are welcome.

500.000 words, is your goal, look into food sciences look into how the body and food work together, if you are going to be obsessive, then you need to know that all the pros and cons, that way not only will you get an education you will be an educator in time.

You have been on a path that as given you away of feel stuck, so it now time to use all that time you have spent getting this far, to do your self a real favour, that being a positive resource for others. A little pushy on my part hay, that’s ok though. You are getting this for free.

This goal is to last until you reach the 500.000 word count.

A few words here and there daily weekly, monthly, until you are done. Cook books, food science, psychology, you have library I assume in your city? Make it your home from home.

One more thing from you pushy Brit friend, start a dairy, the left hand page is for you to write down all the crappy stuff emotional crap that happens, how you feel and all that, the right side is for you to jot down all the good things have happened, in the day. Now this is the magic rule, ever 2-3 weeks read all the right side of the pages only.

Now use this mantra daily until it becomes your primary way of thinking.



I am totally independent of criticism and the good or bad opinion of others.

I’m beneath know one and superior to know one

I am fearless in the face of any and all challenges

 

 
Jay

[geenadavis]

Hi Cat,

I just want to say I completely empathize with you! I had my own issues with food for a number of years-- what I called a "borderline eating disorder." What I first considered disciplined slowly turned into obsession. I had eliminated a lot from my diet so I could be what I thought was super healthy. (ie: no fat!) ....(this was before the whole carb-concious thing) But I eventually boomeranged back to where I would binge and then over-exercise to "make up" for it. ...This lasted for a number of years.

I never sought help, but I knew something needed to change. I decided to stop exercising (at all) and also to "experiment" with food.... just to see what my body would do with the food I really wanted.

Long story short, I've since gotten back on the "healthy" track, but healthy has new meaning for me now.... I do eat pretty much whatever I want, but I'm also conscious of my eating. And I haven't been part of a gym for (gasp!) over a year. Last year, I think, I exercised the least in my entire life and what's funny is that I've never had a better sense of what my body really wants. ....And to my pleasant surprise, it's not all doritos and dark chocolate!

I've also recently started dance lessons, which I haven't really considered exercise..... I'm taking them twice a week, plus I do massive amounts of walking here in nyc and I live in a 4story walkup. . . . So I'm not obsessive about it anymore. (again.... for the most part ) But when I do get "off track" I know it's only a day or two before I get back on.

I want to recommend two of Martha Beck's books-- The Joy Diet and her newest book, The 4-Day Win. I've heard her speak on both of them and highly recommend them both. They are terrific resources. check out marthabeck.com and thefourdaywin.com .

[geenadavis]

....and wouldn't you know it-- I just got this in my inbox. Not sure what time zone you're in or if you'll get this in time.... but it's a free conference call with Martha Beck discussing the 4-Day Win!! Check it out!! ...It will be archived as well, so listen up and enjoy! 


Hi Everyone,

Join me on Tuesday, February 6th from 12-1 PST (go to http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/ for the correct time in your timezone) for our second workshop in our virtual coaching program.

Our Workshop is called Lose Weight For Life Engage The Four Day Win! with special guest coach, Martha Beck, O Magazine's Coach.

To join our call:
Dial 1-712-432-3900
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To login to the Free Community Library, you'll need to use your login that you received in your original welcome email. (user = communitymember, password = free2010)

Enjoy Your Day!

Kim

Compass Life Designs
 
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[catc]

Hi there,

I'd like some opinions on my situation please: I've spent years having different therapies (inlcuding NLP and hypnosis), doing the whole self-help thing, attending courses and reading books voraciously. I've learnt a lot of helpful tools, experimented with habits that work best for me in my life, and have achieved many things I've dreamed of.

One of these goals was to eat a healthy diet. Over the years I have gradually phased out fast foods, most fats (except some 'good' oils), sugar and processed foods. I have also phased in organic fruit and vegies. I've tended to become a little obsessive and at times in the past have suffered from what has been labelled an eating disorder (however have overcome any starving/overly strict habits). My aim is to be healthy now, and not underweight. After specifically addressing the 'disorder' in two years of counselling, now I am eating a healthy balanced Vegan diet, I am at a healthy weight and feel really fit and energetic.

The only thing is, I only feel great when I prepare my own food or if food is prepared in a way I approve of, but if I find out (or suspect!) there has been any excess sugar, fat or salt in the meal, I can get quite distressed. This is making social events unbearable - I can bearly go out to dinner anymore, I feel 'unsafe' at even my 'safe' Vegan restaurants. The last counsellor I saw was trying to get me to become more flexible, but on the one hand I feel like I'm in the right, I'm eating according to what makes my body feel good. If I'm 'flexible' I feel like I'm being forced to put things in my body I don't want to, that I am failing myself, and that I'm compromsing my values. My boyfriend and some of my family think I'm being 'ridiclous' for caring about 'trace amounts' of sugar and salt - but the people who say these things to me aren't achieveing the results I want.

I have, as prescribed to me by my last consellor, banned reading diet or exercise articles and books, as I was getting obssessive with them. It is very hard for me still to walk past one without at least skimming it. Even self-help books for eating disorders seem to make things worse, as I focus on the issue over and over. 

I'm aware I've become too rigid (if it's causing me considerable distress), and perhaps righteous too, but I don't know what else to do.

It seems there are two choices: start being more flexible (which means what exactly?) and not get the results I want, or eat the way I want, but feel quite isolated around others. Actually, it seems that either way, I'm isolated. I'm happy with my body the way it is. I don't want to eat junk and go back to feeling lethargic like I was as a teenager. It doesn't feel fair like a fair choice to me.
 

Thanks,

Cat