Looking for love

[skorpio]

Hello. I want an advice about what to do to find true love. I'm a very shy person. I'm male, 29. I want to create a relationship for me. I'm very succesful in the academic world but not that much in social world, specially with women. I want to find someone to love, just because NEVER EVER before in my life I have had this person. Sometimes I can't deal with the loneliness feeling. I have just had one girlfriend in my whole life and our relationship just lasted one week. Right now, thanks to my abilities with academic, i got a scolarship and moved to a different country of my own. I feel I can have an opportunity here, but so far I haven't had the guts. I'm always affraid. I want to get over that. Look for the right person. Know some and decide for one. What can i do?

[Jay Budzynski]

Hello there
Ok well before you can build your house you need a good foundation, going from your words, and you saying you’re shy, then if you was not shy what would you be?  What would the look sound and feel like?  Could you just say hello just to one new person a day?  Some things for you to consider, joining a few clubs, where you have to interact with others, as a way to start to build social confidence, self confidence is a really the key to attracting, women, being a genuine, personable open and honest, are traits to build into your self. One way of doing this is make a list of male roll models,  that you find have the characteristics, that you would find helpful in just chatting to people, imagine that your roll model is taking your place and see here and feel your roll model being you, in what ever context you decide to use, then choose a new roll model and have him do the same, and do this over and over again, until your roll model is the life of the party or what ever the context maybe, the only goal you roll model has is to make as many friends in the time he as.

Then you step in the body of your roll models one at a time and run through the whole process  again making any adjustments that feel you need to make, then once you feel this is working you as your self run the same thing over.

Do this ever day at least 3 time a day, first  with imagined pretend possibilities, then with relation life situations, lets say you have to buy some mike, run the process wit each of your roll models, then you go and do it, and notice how you feel and the vibs you are picking up from people, then build into it going to the library, and the going to bars and so on, adding new roll models as you go a long, soon you will be doing this on automatic, and your confidence will build and build, then as you start with talking to one new persons every 2-3 days, male and female, and build a bigger and bigger social network, the bigger your network the more possibility you will create to first of all make lots of friends and you can even then start to looking at getting closer, as you go along.

Just remember be honest to who you are, be open, and venerable, yet from a place for personal strength and power.

Jay

[geenadavis]

hey there... if you want to conquer shyness, a good way to do it would be to find a Toastmasters meeting. They are an international speaking organization that help people overcome fear of public speaking... and, in essence, shyness. Personally, I have not attended any of their meetings, but have heard amazing things from well-known coaches as well as regular folks like myself

I just went on their website (toastmasters.org) and it looks like they have groups set up internationally. . . So you should be able to find one regardless of your geographical location. They don't pressure you to speak-- you only speak if you feel comfortable doign so and it's always in a supportive environment. Cheryl Richardson talks about her experience on her Finding Your Passion CD set. . . . And she talks about how incredibly shy she was and how a friend of hers dragged her to a toastmaster meeting .... and her career evolved from there.

Also, as far as attracting a soul mate... have you thought about what qualities you'd like your partner to have? I'd suggest writing down an "Ideal Partner Profile" where you write down everything you'd like your partner to be/have... spiritually, physically, financially, emotionally, creatively... etc. Anything you think would make an ideal partner. . . And then take stock of your own life and see how well you are embodying that which you wish to attract. ...If you want to attract someone who's fun and outgoing, try taking a sushi making class or climb a rock wall at your local gym. ...Start to be the type of person you want to attract. ...And watch what happens

...(I think i need to take my own advice)
I'm working on this too!!

Oh, and one other good question-- Do you have space in your life right now for your soul mate? A lot of times we say we want something in our lives, but our lives are already so filled up with other stuff, that there's no room for something new to manifest...... just a thought.

good luck !! 

[cynnezann]

Hello if you dont mind me asking, You said you were afraid.  What exactly are you afraid of?  Maybe your fear could be causing all the other things that you are feeling.  Starting a relationship can be scary for some and easy for others. I know for some of my male friends its the fear not the shyness and they are sometimes afraid of the rejetion. I think we all are at times.