Smoking - Big Dilemma - Please Help

[Sophie]

Hi

A few weeks ago aclose friend of mine has asked me to do a stop smoking session with him on 1st July and I'm getting into a bad state about it, so I hope someone can give me some advice.

When my friend first asked, I tried to divert him to Paul McKenna's stop smoking DVDs/CDs, but he said he doesn't trust anyone else but me to do a session with him.  He is not really into the NLP thing and is scared of hypnosis but appreciates how it can help others.  I did a couple of sessions with his wife last year on self-confidence and putting some stressful stuff into her past, and it worked wonders.  He was really impressed with the change in her (so was I)!

So, I agreed to do the session with him.  How could I not when he said I was the only person he trusts to do this?

Now there is a week to go; I have done no preparation as yet, and I am getting more and more stressed and upset about it.  Why.....  because I smoke.

I do want to give up myself and have come up with all the excuses in the book why not to yet.  Also, I will give up when I am ready and not because the Government tell me to.  I did give up whilst on the Practitioner course and it was really easy.  However, three weeks later and back into 'real life' and I started again.  I am really ashamed of that.  Despite giving up easily on the course, the thing that scares me about giving up myself is that when I gave up several years ago at the same time as a lot of other stuff was going on, I had a nervous breakdown and I still associate giving up smoking with having a breakdown.  Now, when I get a certain stressed feeling I am scared I'm heading for a breakdown again.  I did actually stay off smoking for two years that time.  Even though by giving up easily on the course I proved to myself that I wouldn't have a breakdown if I gave up smoking, there is still something inside me that is convinced I will have a breakdown if I give up.

So, not only do I feel a fraud telling him how easy it is and how to do it, but I feel guilty that I don't practise what I preach.  I feel ashamed I still smoke and I hate having something in my life I rely on so much.  I could go on and on about my horrible feelings about myself for smoking, but I still haven't given up.  Also, I have raging PMT at the moment and I know that is not a good time for me to give up (excuses again maybe).

I also have issues that I haven't done an NLP/hypnosis session with anyone since last year and my confidence is not great.  Also, for the past three months I have been doing two new jobs which, although I enjoy both of them, they are exhausting me with long hours, so my energy and enthusiasm levels are pretty low at the moment.

I just don't know if I should tell him I can't do a session with him  If I do the session, I'm not very sure of what exercises to do with him.  I thought of studying Paul McKenna's DVD (of which I have a copy), but I'm scared that would make me 'immune' to it when I want to use it for myself in the future.

Please help me.  I'm in such a bad state about this.

Thanks.

Sophie

NLP Master Practitioner having a confidence crisis!

[marksherwood]

Hi Sophie,

Interesting post.

Dont be in such a bad state about this, at least you are being congruent.

I too smoke, and i also am the proud owner of a 'bit of a belly' - therefor i dont 'do' smoking cessation or weight loss with clients.

Without sitting down and having a fairly in depth converstaion about the rights and wrongs of acting (treating) without feeling a fraud, i can make only one suggestion - refer your client to someone else.

Just my view (other genii will have other views i am sure).

Cheers,

Mark

[marksherwood]

Just as an aside,

I recently did my trainer training in florida with JLV's Purenlp.

I was dreading the idea of being the only 'social leper' amongst a group of non smokers.

Imagine my surprise (and relief) when i found myself standing outside the hotel where the training was being held, enjoying (yes ....enjoying) a fag with, not only other course attendees, but some VERY well known master trainers puffing away with me (even the president of the SNLP joined us for a puff or two during some breaks..no names here of course)

I suppose the object of this post is just to say...dont feel pressured into giving something up that you either dont want to, or are not ready to ..just yet. After all, we all know about secondry gain dont we ?

I stopped smoking for 11 years, and started again during a vary stressfull part of my life, and am not (yet) ready to give up something that truly helped me through a rough time (some people drink, some take drugs, some turn to religion.....in the words of Richard Bandler 'its all about freedom').

Rant over...I'm off for a fag !!

Cheers,

Mark

[Tim]

Hi Sophie,

A couple of thoughts.

Firstly, when using NLP / hypnosis congruence is incredibly important. If you are being incongruent with your friend then the chances of getting the result that you both want is slim.

Something that you might try, however, is working with your friend on his resistance to seeing another therapist / using the Paul McKenna CD. What mental images is he pulling up to create the feeling of resistance etc.?  This would give him an avenue to stop smoking without having to push yourself through what is obviously a difficult issue for you. ? You can work your own way through that one when you?re ready. : )

Hope this helps.

Take care,

Tim.

[marksherwood]

Also, I have raging PMT at the moment and I know that is not a good time for me to give up (excuses again maybe).

Is there any other kind of PMT ?

 

Cheers,

Mark

[Sophie]

Thank you so much.

For some reason I couldn't make the decision myself, but now feel I have the OK to say no to my friend.  I just needed someone else to confirm what I knew already.  I must start listening to/trusting myself more but I'm not very good at that .... yet.

I'm going to call him later to explain and point out to him that if he listens to/watches the Paul McKenna giving up smoking stuff, he'll get the same information as I would have given him anyway.  If he trusts me, surely he must trust the person who taught me.

On my Prac and Master Prac courses there were plenty of smokers outside in the breaks.  I also came across two people who were "professional hypnotherapists" who seemed to think they could hynotise me in a busy bar whilst both innebriated and make me give up smoking in two minutes.  Not a hope!    Still, if it made them feel better...

As for the PMT, brave man Mark.  Usually you take your life in your hands making any comment about PMT as a man!    Any suggestions on PMT welcome.  I've been religiously listening to Mr McKenna's relaxation CD every day, which has definitely helped, and today I discovered listening to good music (Dredzone) in my lunch break made be calmer and happier this afternoon, although folk in my office thought I was a bit strange trucking round the office with reggae in my head! 

Thanks again.  It's great to be able to get second/third/fourth opinions on this site.

Sophie