Another little insight I had recently.

I play a board game with coworkers fairly regularly. The object of the game is to get your car around a track and across the finishing line before anyone else. You move you're car each turn via a roll of the dice and there are many many rules that you must follow in order to move you're car further along the track successfully.

Because of these rules and also the presence of other players, there are many factors that can influence what you decide to do at each turn.

You can plan ahead and try and figure out exactly  what you are going to do at each turn, but that's pretty useless because you don't know what you are going to roll and you can't be sure of what the other player's are going to do.

You can also look back at what you did and regret the mistakes you made and think where you might have been if you had not made those mistakes. But that is also pointless because it won't change where you are now. Better to examine those mistakes and make sure you don't do them again.

The best course of action, I reasoned, was to be aware of the immediate moves coming up, but be focused on exactly the turn I was making. Figure out all the options and make a good choice based on logic, my experience and also my gut feeling of what choice to make.

When I was fairly new to this game, I found that I used to play safe at nearly every move as I feared the consequences of taking a risk and losing. Needless to say. I didn't do too well although I did win when the dice rolled lucky.

The best strategy I found was to take calculated risks and also calculated 'safe moves'. Since then I've done much better at the game and even when i've lost, I've still enjoyed it, knowing I did the best that I could.

How did I become ok at taking the risks? By be being OK with the fact that it might all go horribly wrong and if it does, i'm not going to beat myself up about it, because it was a calculated risk. Also by realising that if this risk does not pay off, there may be another one later that WILL.

I think these things demonstrate very well how we can live our lives. Why look back at mistakes we make and regret them? Why try to plan so far ahead when really have no idea what's going to happen? Better to live in the moment and make the best choices you can based in logic, experience and your gut feeling.

Even if the risk you need to take does not work out, you've gained more experience and you're safe in the knowledge that there will almost certainly be another risk coming up in the future that WILL pay off.

I'd like to share a pretty powerful experience I had several weeks ago. I don't know if any of you have read some of my previous posts, but I was having a serious dilemma about someone I am friends with, but was considering more.

Anyway, I went on holiday with my friend and during the course of the week, the tension seemed to build between us (or at least it built in me). It got to the point where I began to shut down and was affecting me physically. I knew I had to spend a little time on my own to think things through.

So I went for a walk, at the place we were staying and found a really beautiful peaceful lake where I sat and reflected on what was going through my head. The noise in my head was almost deafening saying things like "go get her", "no don't do it", "run away", "no be a man and stay", "WHY CAN'T YOU DECIDE WHAT TO DO", etc, etc.

I let that go on in my head without latching on to any of the thoughts. I felt myself look past the noise and then I experienced something I've never experienced before. It was a voice that was calm and clear and told me exactly I should do next. That was to let her go. Move on and spend time with myself. That I needn't worry, because one day i'll find what i'm looking for.

At that point I felt a big release of pressure and also felt really comfortable in my own presence. I had changed in that moment.

It was an incredibly moving experience for me. For the first time, I was present in it. Not that I've never had a life altering moment before, but that this time I was there to experience it and feel and recognise it as it happened.

Although the whole trip had me flat on my back, staring at the ceiling and wondering what the hell had happened. I didn't beat myself up about it at any point. I just let it all happen and let all the bad feelings wash over me. A few days later the smile was back on my face and I was enjoying life again. The me of 2 years ago would have been depressed, scared, bitter and angry for weeks.

I'll not forget that lake for as long as I live. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences to this?

Personally I think it should stay. Looking at the fact that there is 37 people online right now, I think that is good activity.

I use to run a forum years ago which was fairly popular back in its day. There wasn't a huge amount of members, but there was a big group of us posting alot. It was very active and very fun. I made alot of friends online through that, some of whom i'm still contact with today.

I think it generated alot of buzz, because we all had fun and ended up sharing all our discoveries, holding competitions and many other events.

Twitter and facebook are ok. But i'm not a massive fan.

Guys, I'm struggling with this again. These urges 'to get physical' are getting stronger. I desperately want to stay friends, but I can't see how when my feelings are so strong. My biggest issue is, that I don't feel like I can meet anyone else while she is around.

I'm not sure how I can get to that stage where I enjoy her friendship and am free to see who I want. I just seem to want to spend all my time around her. 

Well I read a great tip from Michael not long ago about 'Sprinting'. That is to dedicate time to something in a short but intense burst and following it up with an equal rest period. Maybe you could experiment with picking one of your great ideas and putting your all into it over a short amount of time. Then follow it up with some well earned rest.

Also, i don't think it's a bad thing to have many ideas going on at once. Nobody says you have to stick with one idea and work on it until it's completed. How about working on one of your ideas when you feel like it? If the next day, you want to work on one of your other ideas, do that. You may find you come back in time to those ideas you worked on before and do a little more.

Sure, over say a week you might not get much done. But what if you juggled all those ideas around over the course of a year and worked on each one, when you felt like it, bit by bit. What would you achieve in a year?

Yeah, letting these desires go are something I hope will happen in time. It's difficult though when i'm sat next to her and just want grab her and give her the biggest hug and kiss. But, I guess in time i'll get used to the idea.

One thing is for sure, i never saw this situation coming. At least i'm getting through it and still have an amazing friendship to look forward to. Delaying gratification once again! 

That's ok. It's not harsh at all. It's this kind of honesty that helps me. So thankyou both for giving your input. I've spent a little time on myself today. Actually tackled my fear and let go of the bad thoughts i had with this situation. So i fell clearer in my thinking.

I understand that the way i feel right now is some sort of love, but i guess you are right. If it was genuine, I wouldn't be sat here typing this. I only thought that maybe it was some sort of fear that was blocking those feelings from truly coming out.

I recognise the choices i have now, and the idea of staying friends and moving on looks more appealing right now. Regardless, I've grown from this experience and become a better person. 

Good questions there:

I guess it depends where i am at the time. If it was now, i'd probably attempt to focus on being friends. But i've done that in the past and out of nowhere my feelings for her grew very strong.

If i knew there was someone out there better for me. I would focus on being friends and probably try and spend less time with her.

That's a tricky one as i've never been in that situation. I think i'd have problems remaining friends if I had fallen in love with her.

I guess though all three questions are about figuring out exactly what i want and staying focused on that. I do know that regardless of what happens, I will be ok.

Mainly that i'll get it wrong and discover that it is just a deep friendship and that there is someone out there better for me. Then I will have to leave her and I will loose that very special friendship. I've not met such a wonderful group of friends through her and I think the fear is nested in losing them as well as her.

I'm in a bit of tricky situation right now. I met a girl about a year ago through online dating and although my first impression was not good, I've grown really fond of her in this time. Simply put i've never met someone that makes me feel so comfortable and warm when i'm around her. She feels like home to me and it's this sense and connection that has me constantly thinking about whether or not I should have a relationship with her.

I feel that physical relationship would not be of the 'tear each other's clothes off variety' but would be warm and tender and caring. I'm having trouble wondering if high passion is important in this kind of relationship.

I've had bout's when i've been  completely infatuated about her that I swore they were feelings of love, but the feelings subsided. I would not normally put her in the category of someone i'd go out with, but i can't help how 'right' it feels to be around her. Not spectacular, not exciting. Just good and right. Kind of feels like my place to be around her. I've not really had much interest in dating anyone else since she's been around and feel that that'll continue as long as she is.

The trouble is, as soon as i get too close, fear starts to seep in until it no longer feels good to be around her. But i can't help feel now that if i sit with the fear and remind myself that it is only fear and that it can't hurt me, it'll subside into a more natural feeling of right again.

Has anyone got any thoughts on this? They would be much appreciated. 

I hear the expression 'go to your heart' being used alot and to be honest I am unsure of what it means. Are we talking about the actual physical heart here i.e. taking notice of it beating and the general physical sensations going on in or around it?

Or is it 'the heart' as in the metaphorical sense? If it's the latter then I have to admit I find it difficult to tune into that as I am unsure what i'm looking for or what to know when I have found it.

First may I say a big thanks to Michael for everything. I've listened to effortless success cd's loads of times now and since i've just had pretty much the best couple of months of my life so far. Can't quite get over it and some how think it's a coincidence or something.

Anyway, i'm having an issue with a friend whom i've known for a long time. To cut a long story short, I became good friends with his girlfriend and found out they were having issues in their relationship. So in my usual helpful way I tried to help her understand him, thinking that this would help. Unfortunately, this just made things worse as anything I said got reported back to him and so he became very angry towards me. I work with him, so we couldn't avoid each other and he was generally cold towards me.

It took all my effort to talk to him to assure him that i realised that i'd made a mistake and that I would not be getting involved in the future. In his usual way, he said it's ok and to forget about it all. The relationship got back to normal, but I could still he didn't like me interacting in any way with his gf. So i decided to take the big step and ignore her to the point where she demanded to know why I was. I just made an excuse and that was that.

However i was round their place at the weekend and had a night in. She said some rather flirty things towards me while he was there. I felt dead uncomfortable and so did he. Anyway for the last 3 days at work he's been cold towards me again, so it feels like I am right back to that unpleasant time again. Problem is that I don't KNOW that this is why he cold. It might be just that he's having a bad week.

The worst part about this is that my mind becomes suddenly flooded with so many negative images and ideas about the situation to the point where it feels like the whole office is in on it. I tell myself that this is absurd, but it does little to help. The truth i have created in my head becomes rock solid and i'll pick up any little thing and add it as 'evidence' to the truth. I try to put a different perspective on it, but the alternative view just doesn't seem to 'feel' right.