This business of ASKING!

[Mary]

I suspect the subject of asking is an Everest.  "Seeing" myself doing it, how to do it, when to do it, from whom are energies that elude me; an attitude and intention that isn't visiting.  Would that it did!  I am in a chapter of solitude and know I need help, yet a vision of asking for what I really need draws silence -- even after reading, seeing, hearing Michael's good wisdom on the subject.

I could use a magic wand to part this impossible fog.  (Did I just ask?)

[Anja]

Technically you stated what you could use...

What fog do you want to part? Is there someone specific you want to ask to help you part this fog? What do you wish to see behind the fog? What do you fear would happen if you asked?

Would you like do answer any of these questions? No asking just answering required... 

Love
Anja

[Jay Budzynski]

"Seeing" myself doing it, how to do it,  How did you manage to ask that question? now the next stop is what would you enjoy asking for even more?

J

[Tomwalked]

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MARY...
YES!!!! use the magic wand... dang girl if you got one use it!...

I've been looking for one of those... and it has eluded me... and you have one... and don't even know if you should use it... YES!!! use it, use it, use it!

and know how fortunate you are to have it...

You got a magic wand... Everest is just a hill - you can leap it in a single bound... you are superman or super woman (although I don't know if she used to boast about leaping things in a single bound... but, WHATEVER!!! you have a magic wand you can be either Superman OR Superwoman or BOTH!

either way... now that you are Superperson... and you are aware you are in your Fortress of Solitude - you can fly out of there at Any Time! AND you have a magic wand....

now... with all that magic on your side... you have to know...
that whatever limitations you imagine, are not real...
and with all that magic flying around you... all you have to do is pluck help from the air...
it's a little like asking....
and that is something you, Superperson can do...


watta ya think?



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[Mary]

Being aware of my skills and talents and wants and needs and desires, and asking myself what is my next right step puts me in my head -- my logical mind subject to all my conditioning and steps I've taken in the past. 

My field of dreams is vast and knowing I can have them is even more a challenge because I want to be able to "drop the reigns" and let myself discover what's next ... trust this will come to me ... wait for this to come to me ... and believe that I'll know it when it appears.   I am feeling this compulsion to ask someone else to help me see my way through this differentiation between what feels good and what feels right and touching that inner "knowing" that Michael speaks so confidently about.

I guess I'm looking for the solution to a cartoon I saw once of this down and out-looking guy sitting on the street with his back against a wall, and the cutline reads ... Problem is, I don't know if this is enlightenment or just another one of my boneheaded ideas." 

I don't have a reference point for that kind of knowing ... I've lived in my head.  I want to say yes to everything, but there isn't enough time or lifetimes for that.  I just don't trust myself to choose well.  It seems everything until now has chosen me.

I don't know where to begin to ask for help!  I barely know how to frame the question.

Thanks.
M.

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Mary


Your words are loaded with big chunk metaphors- So lets start with getting the most important part of your experience in the world- accessed- for you to have a coherent set of experiences you need to drop some of the abstractions in your language really cool for create thinking and poetry- not so good for letting go of the reigns- first step and one that a lot of people have issues with at times is allowing your right now in time moment be your reality, what I mean by that is feel your feet on the floor, and breath, this is you in the here and now, stamp one of your feet on the floor- and repeat that a few times- now make sure both feet and flat on the floor- pay attention to that- this is you now the reality that you are experiencing- fact -

OK The answer to your cartoon is if you can feel your feet on the floor and you are noticing that you are in the the situation, were you can choose what and how you want to be on the earth..

What to try something out of your control- grab a coin- and walk to the front door- go on to the street- every time you reach a point were you have a turn (left or right option) choose heads for right and tails for left- and allow the coin to take you for a walk-from time to time pay attention to your feet on the ground- and make a mental connection with your state of being and specifically where you are in the world- now from time to time ask your self what are you noticing- what cars are about, what buildings, what people, what sound can you hear, and so on. and get used to noticing things on the (OUT SIDE) of you, if you are stuck in your head you are missing a lot of stuff-

Here's the thing about knowing, stamp on the floor with your foot, WHO DID THAT? How do you know? you had the experience of doing- knowing is based on having had done something before- otherwise its a (guessing) now theres some things this rule changes like you know its ok to drink clean water, but its stupid to drink a glass of bleach- yes I know an extreme example ytet sometimes to make a point you have to do such things.

I want to say yes to everything<<<< do you really how about being beat up robbed and abused? yes I know another extreme example yet sometimes points have to be made-

I don't know where to begin to ask for help!  I barely know how to frame the question.  <<<< do you think that maybe you just did and have..

I would make a point to play with the foot stamp game and the what am I noticing question, for a little while, consider getting a little note pad and making a detailed set of descriptions- of each time you play with the what am I noticing question- you can only ever make a choice in the moment- in the now, so get used to being there, here now and then you will find your "knowing"
because its connected to the soul of your feet-


J

 
 

[Tomwalked]

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I LOVE that you say "It seems everything until now has chosen me."

That is SOO awesome...
It sounds to me like you are saying "the right thing at the right time has always been there for me."
now, you may be reacting to that with... "no Tom - you are not getting it"... but, with a click of a switch, we can change perception...
WHAT IF... that really was what you were saying?

from this place, a place where you are confident in the universes ability to supply and take care of you... The question becomes a whole lot easier... less stressful, less "important".

so, walk down this path for just a minute.
The universe has always supplied just what you need when you need it...
So, I am content in my place... where I am and how I am... because it is where the universe has lead me...
Now, I want to have more.... love more... be more... be happier.

My favorite MN exercise is...
put your hand over your heart, breath deeply into your heart, think happy thoughts, something that makes you smile, relax and take this moment just for yourself, calmly... and ask yourself, "what do I need to do today to take better care of myself?" or ""what do I need to do today that would make me really happy?" 


Trust yourself Mary. you may not be as "in your head" as you think...

make a list of ALL the things that you want to do (200-500)... take your time with it... then go back over the list and take the top 20 things that seem to excite you the most...

and then sit with each of them for a minute or two, play out the scenarios of you actually doing each of them (don't get bogged down on "how" you will to the point where you will be doing them) One of them may feel stronger than the rest... watch for bodily changes... spontaneous smiles, rushes of endorphines, a lightness...

(hard to imagine a "boneheaded idea" surviving this...)

find the thing that you most want to do and live with it for a day or two... and then go start to do it...


As for getting help... if money is the issue...
depending on the help you need, think about approaching institutions that "train" people on the type of help you need... there are ALWAYS students that need to earn their chops by taking on low or no-cost clients/experiments...
it just takes a little research...

I have had business plans created, websites and "branding" done, interns for my Art Fabrication business and three months of psychological counseling using this method...
You have more to offer than you may realize...

and don't forget, you HAVE a magic wand! you can fly.
Best of luck

Tom

[Mary]

Thank you for your responses ... I'm incorporating into daily practices ... trusting the moment has all that I need to guide me, and that's what I believe in.  M.

[Tomwalked]

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Mary that is GREAT to hear...


I hope we were helpful...
and, how did you find the process of asking for help?
did it feel like a huge scary step?
did you see our advice as "missing the point" (a waste of your time)?
did you have resistance? were you drawn to other answers more? or is your reaction neutral?


each answer has much to say for you... like a jewel to examine...




Good luck...
I hope we hear more from you.

Tom


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[Mary]

Tom --

Yes ... the reason I so appreciate Michael's model for coaching is that he serves as a teacher, pointing the way to finding out more about the subject by way of "experiment," myself being the subject.  The inspiration is revealed by way of the pointing rather than by any "telling."   Someone said once that words don't teach, experience teaches.  He goes a step further with goosing the experience by creating an inquiry for the specific experience that will illuminate an issue so that it may be addressed by my own wisdom -- not that of a "more experienced" authority. 

I tend to proceed with caution because suggestions to "fix" me turn out to be more about the coach or therapist.   I've relied on my journals ... an "Intensive Journal" method developed by a Jungian Therapist that is designed to structure the journaling so as to hold up life challenges to my own wisdom.  I trust that.  Michael seems to have captured some of that structure in his work.

In the larger context, asking for help brings up the same cautions ... e.g. financial planners who have something to sell and are not objective, real estate brokers who act on their own behalf rather than their clients', car mechanics (including the good ones) who take ignorance about the workings of a car to the bank. 

I find myself asking, how can I do this myself?  And when I can't, there comes an approach/avoidance conflict.  It's like that old TV program "Who(m) Do you Trust?'

[Tomwalked]

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PERFECT!




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