I'd like to share a pretty powerful experience I had several weeks ago. I don't know if any of you have read some of my previous posts, but I was having a serious dilemma about someone I am friends with, but was considering more.
Anyway, I went on holiday with my friend and during the course of the week, the tension seemed to build between us (or at least it built in me). It got to the point where I began to shut down and was affecting me physically. I knew I had to spend a little time on my own to think things through.
So I went for a walk, at the place we were staying and found a really beautiful peaceful lake where I sat and reflected on what was going through my head. The noise in my head was almost deafening saying things like "go get her", "no don't do it", "run away", "no be a man and stay", "WHY CAN'T YOU DECIDE WHAT TO DO", etc, etc.
I let that go on in my head without latching on to any of the thoughts. I felt myself look past the noise and then I experienced something I've never experienced before. It was a voice that was calm and clear and told me exactly I should do next. That was to let her go. Move on and spend time with myself. That I needn't worry, because one day i'll find what i'm looking for.
At that point I felt a big release of pressure and also felt really comfortable in my own presence. I had changed in that moment.
It was an incredibly moving experience for me. For the first time, I was present in it. Not that I've never had a life altering moment before, but that this time I was there to experience it and feel and recognise it as it happened.
Although the whole trip had me flat on my back, staring at the ceiling and wondering what the hell had happened. I didn't beat myself up about it at any point. I just let it all happen and let all the bad feelings wash over me. A few days later the smile was back on my face and I was enjoying life again. The me of 2 years ago would have been depressed, scared, bitter and angry for weeks.
I'll not forget that lake for as long as I live. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences to this?