Need a kick ...

[imaginer]

Hello everybody ! I am new here. And I - yes - need a kick to get me out of my comfort zone. I am full time mom with 3 children and the youngest is just 5 months. I am full of energy and even have some plans but low self-esteem and some of my old and new fears just stop me from doing some steps. It seems so exciting from the inside, but I can't just go and do ... I know, I've being doing a lot of things through my life, a lot of dramatic changes, like moving flat, job, even countries ... But now I feel so ... scared and helpless like I haven't felt for years ! Because of the kids or because of being staying at home for so long ...

To get started we just need to make a first step, then more and more ... So here is my step: I am asking for some kick and support ! Thank you !

[Jay Budzynski]

What would have to happen for you to feel comfortable while doing new things? (write out your first response) and have a little brake just a minute or two then ask yourself what else? and and keep going with that until you hit a (void, wall, blank,) then go do something for an hour or two and then come back and repeat- once you have some where in the 3-5 pages mark of blurb- pull out some of the things you think and FEEL you can start doing, its really fine to do very tiny shifts- yet to do something, maybe as a start could be create blog, or so some creative writing, or create an ebay account and sell a few items- you see for me a comfort zone is like a pillow that I can carry with me and when I need to feel comfortable I can whip it out and enjoy doing stuff in comfort- and I think you don't really have a real comfort zone - its more like a (fear zone) and you really don't need that when doing day to day living- fear like all emotions as a powerful use in the right place- like feeling fear about snakes is useful until you know the difference between harmless snakes and them other types the ones that bite and nick your wallet or shoes- and some times bites and kills you- not the best thing to happen- so fear is useful- yet having a comfort zone is really cool as you can carry it with you and just feel comfortable everywhere you need- and if you can feel comfortable- then I am guessing you can feel what calm is like yes? now if you was feeling calm inside your comfort zone, then I am guessing you could even feel happy, or confident yes?

So just out of sheer curiosity- lets just say its 2 years from now- and you have a comfort zone that as grown, and in that new zone you feel calm, happy, confident, and anything else you care to consider, in that time in the future, now if you was to look back to the here and now, from that new place of comfortable, calm, happy, and confident- and to notice the steps you took to get there- what did and could you do to allow that to happen? and allowing you self to make any and all adjustments so you can keep doing new things while- being comfortable, calm happy, and confident-  yet before you do any of that nOw, take a little time to notice what is working well for you in life, what already makes you happy, what things do you do well, whoa and what make you feel good, and while you paying attention to that, then make some new plans- from that place of feeling- and know you only need a direction and you can carry your comfort zone with you while doing new things- very tiny things, will build up and as you look back from where you are in the future with the life you want, you can notice some or all of the steps yo have taken, and making any adjustments along the way- and you can be in the right comfort zone here and now and take it with you and that will let you do new things while still feeling comfortable.

What makes you feel powerful? or what could let you feel powerful? or if you was feeling powerful how would you know? and while your feeling that powerful press your index finger and thumb together and repeat about 15 times- and any time you need a boost- press your index finger and thumb together-

J   

           

[imaginer]

Oh, thank you so much, it does make sense ! And especially I like having a comfort zone not like a big old plush chair, but as a pillow ! It is amazing how does such a small things change your feelings !

At the moment I am just making a lot of excuses: I have little children, I don't know English well enough to start a book, I am not shure how to find clients and even if I find them - I'm not shure I would be able to charge what I want and I will make a lot of mistakes and it is all so nice in my imagination but when I meet the reality it will be all different and even if not I wouldn't be able to earn enough money ... and so on. The funny thing is I know most of the people feel the same way. I know I can overcome that ... But one part of mine is ... Well, while I'm writing it and thinking about your words, I just realize ... Yes, I just have to start. Right now. From easy part - imagine myself 2 years later ...

I know, I am able to ... Yes, I just need some support. I just need to "hold somebody's hand" to know I'm not alone.

[Jay Budzynski]

Well making mistakes is what learning is for, you can't get good with out making mistakes- The children are a responsibility- and yes your need to look at how much time you can commit- to other areas of life out side of looking after your children, start very small, and as for writing theres always the option of writing in your preferred language, first then get the writing projects translated into English- see theres always away round, you build up your skill base by doing it- (it) being what ever it is you want to get good at. and you have to keep in mind that your children are getting older- each day so there will be times when your kids will have to go to school, in one form or another- and that will open up some time for you to do extra things- so even though you have limited time to do somethings, that does not stop you from reading, and learning, etc.

The internet is a rich resource of support groups you might consider looking into such a venture-  yet most of all take your time, keep asking questions, and take small action steps, even if its just writing your thought in to a journal- then give it a review from time to time.

Theres 7.7 billion people on the earth- your never going to be alone- you might not like some of them and they might not like you, yet your never going to be alone.

J

     

[imaginer]

Thank you ever so much ! That exactly what I needed ! Still scared ... But full of energy and already started !!! Until next low point

One of my strongest dragons is "is everything is going perfect, shortly everything is going to be really bad"

[Jay Budzynski]

Hey bad stuff happens, what you do then is dust yourself off, make a note of what created the bad, and don't do it again, theres always going to be ups and downs, thats life- now has for being perfect- get real - thats can't be done, yet, what you can do and have is something that is just really really good, and allow that to be ok, your get more stuff done that way- being scared means your human, and alive, it means you can do things that matter to you and others, oh by the way dragons have a fear of people who smile at them so just notice your dragons thank them for being there, for you- smile at them and just watch them grow smaller and smaller nOw knowing if you need your dragons you can invite them back and you can hold them from time to time- other wise just take your time, and take tiny steps in the direction you want.

J

[imaginer]

Ups, just like that ! Proper words into proper ground in proper time ! Thank you so much, it was extremely supportive !!!

I've already started doing some small steps now. And except that I've got a couple of interesting games. First one - describing my comfort pillow and noticing its sights in uncomfortable situations (like: want to take my time, know the subject, have my teddy bear, find somebody who are really interesting in me and so on - and find as much of these around as I can, which makes world more comfortable). And another one - make a "park" of my dragons, probably draw them or even collect some toy ones - to be able to see them small and talk to them, make them friends.

And - yes- learn to trust the world ! One can never be alone unless he wants it and one can find help in any situation if he really needs...

[Jay Budzynski]

Trustthe world is simple can you feel your feet on the floor? notice its holding you when you stand up and walk around, its a fact the world is right there supporting your feet- trust in people takes a little time you have to test the waters- and create the boundaries that allow you, and them to shine, so again, its about being aware of how you are feeling around others, if it feels ok, go with it, you can always, always change you mind, and move on and past something that not feeling as well has it could. theres two very cool words in the world, yes and no use them. some time it can feel overwhelming to say yes or know- yet you can also change your mind- its your life and your the boss of you.

Use what works for you- and make it light hearted and fun.

J

[imaginer]

Thank you so much for your words ! When I read them - it all seems to be so natural, so obvious, I wish my own mind could generate all those ideas !

[Jay Budzynski]

Ideas are like boiling rice, the more you input the more you get out- reading is a good start- anything and everything- history, law, science, sports, hobby books, personal development- poetry, just lots of everything-   

[imaginer]

Oh yes, that what I am doing now - reading this web site materials !

[MaryRC]

Imaginer, I think you are doing well at expressing yourself.  I have enjoyed reading this conversation between you and Jay.  It helps me, too! 

[imaginer]

Thank you, Mary.

I am moving forward now a little bit, but ... I've already started a blog (not in English yet, but I'm considering doing it in English as well), I've made some plans what I am going to do to start my new professional life and get my first self-confidend, fun and million. And I feel so excited about it ! But then I decided to make a list of my goals for the next year - to make it the best year, and here it comes ! I was trying to put the fun value to each goal and I noticed that lots of them gets 5-6 and even notes (scared). The more I tried to do that, the less excitement I felt and that stupid thought comes out again - am I shure I really DO want to do that ? Am I shure I am good in it ? Do I believe there will be enough people who would like to pay me for that ?

I decided to stop considering my prof-dream as a life-dream. I told to myself - ok, I'm doing it for a year and then I'll see. If it works - it works, if I find I don't like it - thats fine again and I'll start something else ... At the end of the day the most important thing is to start, isn't it ?

So what stops me ? I still do psychically fill like something is keeping me from DOING and even though I seems to understand everything and even started and ... I still ... don't feel myself involved enough.

[Jay Budzynski]

from what I am picking up is you are holding the whole goal in mind and that seems to be overwhelming you (thats a guess at best) so now you have your direction, and what you would like start to chunk it down, you made a list, that one step, so what one tiny thing you can do to carry that forward? think in baby steps- and from time to time look out to see that your still going in the direction you want.

J

[imaginer]

Thank you so much. I've started to cut it into smaller peaces and noticed another thing - it is perfect when it is like a picture or a movie. When it comes down to actions, all my old believes come back (you are not good enough, you can't trust, you'll fail, better not to try to keep at least your illusions, you'll see you are zero, trust your mummy etc). For the last few weeks I've being doing sort of ... list of my new believes, with proofs but I'm just to scared to let go my old ones ... i am afraid I wouldn't be myself any more and that everything will go out of control and ... It is like a heavy trunk without a grip - I can't carry it and I can't leave it ...

[Jay Budzynski]

Who was you before you had those beliefs? I am guessing you? you was you after you had them beliefs? I am guessing you right? if you changed you beliefs just to see what would happen who would you be? you see your always going to be you not matter what you do or don't believe- and you can also keep your beliefs under the bed in a box so you can get them out anytime you want too just like a pair of (gogo gadget  slippers) with multi functional belief switches- in the heel now- all you do is click them together and choose- OK that happens in my world on good days- yet it could happen the thing is you can test beliefs out- and if you like them there with you- when you need them, and if you want to feel limited and low then you can do that too- theres nothing wrong in how your being in the world, its just how and who you are, yet you can choose to life your game just a little- and all you do is give it a go.

J 

       

[imaginer]

Oh, you are so good in making ideas to make things go fun !!! You are right ! And as I am better with the things I can see and touch - I decided to find a box and write down my old believes in a hard cards and put them in. So that yes - i will still have them and wouldn't be afraid to "forget"... just in case I need to use some of them somehow And it is going to be a smaller step then to through them away at all ... Fun instead of fear and game instead of pressure ! And now I see what you mean - the smaller the step is - the ... easier it is to do it !

[Terri Carey]

"is everything is going perfect, shortly everything is going to be really bad"

if that is so then conversely if everything is really bad then shortly it will be perfect!

doing proofs is great - if you are not confident list 10 times in your life when you were and you have proof that it is not so 

Terri