I’m burned out, frustrated, tired, and I feel hopeless. How can fix this case?

[Nadine]

 

 
My dad past away last January and things changed forever.
 
 Since then I stayed to watch over my mom who has shoulder problem, back problems and liver problems. She also had pneumonia at one point. I also take care of my grandmother (mom’s mom) who can’t walk and is blind. My grandmother has also dementia.
 
A few months ago my grand father died (my mom’s father) and two weeks later his little brother passed away (mom’s uncle). It was a shock.
 
Also, mom's house got vandalized and robbed.  Mom and dad lived in a small town and people know that mom is a widow. The house is a huge mess. To make matter even more worse, the person who put us in this situation is my little brother, he is with a wrong crowd and snuck in the house and threw parties. There were apparently 200 to 300 people at these parties. We currently have to stay at another location, at my brother's house.
 
Right now, I can’t take it anymore. I haven't slept in two week. I can’t seem to fall asleep. I’m worried, I’m unemployed it’s been a 2 years. Mom bought a new house last summer and we are all living in the same house (my little brother does not live with us).I live with my mom, grandma, oldest brother, sister in law and nephew (1 year old).
 
I feel like I have no one to help me. Like today, my granny cried and cried. I tried to give her food since 9 am she refuses (it’s now close to 6pm). Now she is crying and claiming that my aunt died (grand mother has dementia). I asked mom if I could call my aunt, so that granny could hear her voice and realize everything is ok. Mom refused.
 
I often struggle to find things to feed her.  I was born and raised in Canada. I don’t know how to cook too many meals from the home country (not Canada, Granny was born and raised elsewhere), and I don’t eat it on a regular basis. My sister in law always is tired and needs a break out of doing nothing. Yet she eats up to 5 times a day and rarely thinks of others. Mom sometimes could help me but doesn’t seem to want to get involved. My sister in law was born and raised in the same country has my grandmother but she is no help at all.
 
Whenever I speak up, everyone either claims they are too tired or that they too are going through a hard time, or they claim I’m exaggerating or say that I’m putting things in my head.
 
 On top of that I wash and change granny. Granny doesn’t always accept to eat so that means I have to try for hours and hours. Most of the time, I end up feeding her really late at night (usually around 2 am to 3 am).
 
I can’t talk to anyone because everyone will turn against me, except my second older brother. He actually cares. He wants to pay me a weeks and at a small spa retreat. I’m going to have to refuse because mom will be mad and claim she needs it.
 
I’m just really tired and frustrated. I really can’t take it anymore. The only way everyone in here will pull their weight is if I move out. I have been trying to find a job but no luck! It hurts.
Sorry but I had to vent and I have no one to talk to. I need a miracle. I need to find a job so that I can have money to move out of here!
 
Before all this mess began, I had a great career. Everywhere I applied for jobs I got compliments as to how qualified I was, etc. I was planning to move to Cambridge and attend Harvard's MBA Program. Now, I barely have the confidence to get a job. It's like I'm not smart anymore and no one takes me seriously. Please help me. Any advice on how I can work on to realizing my dreams? Any advice on how I can survive in the meantime? How can I rebuild my confidence back? How can not let insomnia and worrying get to me when I hear bad news or face more obstacles?
 
Sincerely
 
Nadine

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Nadine

You have a lot of stuff going on there, now some of it is warranted, yet some of it is just not your responsibility, even though it feeling like it is, so what you have to do is put your self first, if you place yourself in a position   of strength, by looking after you and taking complete responsibility for your life, then being able to help your family will happen in a way that works well for you, on your terms.

If you was to close your eyes, and play attention to what is happening inside your head, you will notice, that the only person, in there with you is you, if you was lost an a highway in the middle of a dessert the only person with you is you, even thing else that you carry with you are your thoughts and emotions,

So you know, what you can and should do, and you know there is nothing you can do about, what has happened in the past, and all the baggage that you have with you is from your past, grieving is an important process, yet there are two types of grieving there is the type, where you remember the good, times with that person, and you celebrate their life, then you let them go, and say good bye, yet knowing if you even need them, they are in your heart. Then there is OH my AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR what am I going to do, type of grieving, where you give your power away, and start making excuses not to function well in the world, and that needs dealing with, and one way to deal with it is to get out all the family photos, bully every one in to in kitchen, or some other room where you can be together, and remember and say good bye together.

Then tell every one, that they will do something to make a contribution, even if that means some one reads the news a granny.

I would recommend Resiliency: The Key to Surviving and Thriving in Today's World
Al Siebert, PhD


http://www.resiliencycenter.com/albio.shtml

I got the audio book from learning strategies awhile back have it is one my most treasured learning tools.

 

Jay

[peterblythspain]

Hi what you may try is to get several bits of paper and choose ONE problem for each sheet of paper
then when you have ALL of the problems subjected and titled on the sheets
Take ONE sheet at a time and examine it ...and write the answers to that ONE problem ...... and DO NOT go to another sheet until you have solved the first sheet of the problem.......
it takes a bit of practice but its called cognitive therapy and it seperates your thought processes  so that it does not seem to be a muddle or a mass of pressure
try meditating after each session and TAKE IT EASY...dont rush......

try to write your thoughts down after each meditation ....
dont get too technical with meditation...either do it in silence or with music you like....its a great healer........
REMEMBER you have the answers to it all within your heart

Good Luck
Peter