One thing I've realised it that I dont know what "healthy" looks like. I've made vast improvements over the years and also have a few ideas myself, but I want to get some more ideas in what I want my "ideal" to look like, and therefore create it and know what I'm looking for.
I also chose a string of partners who were different versions of the same mold (new day, same guy, different name!).
The only way I know to find the answer to your question is to continue to look inside where you are looking now. I found my answers when I learned to listen and heed my own inner wisdom. You have that wisdom inside, no matter what has happened to you. What happens when we make mistakes is sometimes we think we can't trust ourselves because we've blown it in the past.
You say you have a few ideas... so here are some ways to get some more...
Have you taken all the opposites of what you have experienced so far and written down a list?
Another thing to do is to look around at people you know... cast a wide net...When you see a relationship you feel is a good one, scan your own insides to see what are the qualities you think you are seeing? You could complete the sentence
"I think this is a happy relationship because..."
"I imagine they get on really well because they..."
"They have been together 30 years because..."
list qualities that each possess, what you imagine their agreements are, what you think their shared values are.
You don't actually need to ask them or even know - you can just make it up!
See what kind of relationships and couples attract you as you walk around and ask yourself what you are seeing that you like. Maybe keep a list of qualities, values, etc...
After all, even if you do find a great model for 'healthy' from somewhere, you will still need to know if it's right for you and compare it against who you are on the inside. Otherwise it will always be just somebody else's idea. Only you know what is right for you.
Is this making sense?
Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford is a great heart healing book, with many practices for turning inside and learning to hear your own guidance. Maybe George Pransky's 'Relationship Handbook' or Greg Baer's 'Real Love.' Not sure if books would be what you are after or if these are on the right track ... so feel free to contact me if you wish.
If you don't know me, I was Michael's apprentice last year, I am on staff at Supercoach Academy this year...
happy to assist
I've done a few radio shows on both intuition/inner wisdom and relationships - you may find something there on www.elesecoit.com
- I haven't got all the archives on my site, there are more herehttp://www.contacttalkradio.com/hosts/archives/elesecoit.html
Also, check out Gay and Katie Hendricks! www.hendricks.com