Anger and Fear to Acceptance and Confidence

[Ruthie]

Hello!

I'm a big fan of Michael's books and would love it if any of you could help me with this challenge.

I've been doing a bit of experimentation with The Sedona Method which I first heard about through the daily coaching tips on here. Suddenly, I've come across a mountain of anger and fear about other people. It's been there so long I didn't notice and it now feels normal! My anger is towards people who don't share my values, are very critical (mainly my dad) of people who have all "the stuff" we'd all like to have or some of you may have or have or let themselves get pushed around by others (mainly my mom).

I'm 26 and feel a bit old to be having these feelings towards my parents and it's just plain not nice!

On the other side when I am around happy, confident and successful people I feel very out of place and just want to run away and hide! (Followed by a beating for myself for feeling and acting this way).

Any suggestions on how I can be around my parents and accept them even when they're acting in ways I don't like and further, how to feel comfortable around confident people?

Thanks for listening,

Ruthie

[Limbo]

Hi Ruthie 

I've got lots of ideas whizzing around my mind on these questions and thought I would distil it down to one thing you can do. Einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I was speaking with someone a few days ago who whenever she mentioned her dad she would get all animated and exasperated and then say the same things almost word for word. I asked if she had tried to deal with it in a completely different way and said new things in new ways. After going through different examples that were mostly far out comical behaviours her mood brightened and she looked more optimistic.

So my idea (while standing on the shoulders of giants) is to imagine doing 10 different new behaviours to do in the future when you are with your parents. Make them up. The more bizarre the better. It's all in your mind! You don't have to use them in the real world but not only might you land on a great idea that will work but you'll also wake up that creative genius of yours and then everything is possible...

You can really boost it even more by asking your unconscious mind to imagine hundreds of other new ways while you sleep and dream and when I've received these gifts I always like to say THANK YOU

[Ruthie]

Thanks for replying Limbo.

I thought along the lines of this but kept trying to think of THE way to behave.

I'll let you know how I get on.
 

[Michelle Young]

Ruthie
A friend of mine used to be very angry with her mother, it always seemed that her mother knew how to press all of the wrong buttons and take my friend from calm to angry in 0.5 seconds.
So she decided to approach her mum in a different way, using a different frame of mind.
If her mother would say soemthing that would normally annoy the hell out of her, she would just run through her mind, 'thats your point of view, not mine, you can own your point of view and not mine, and I can think differently from you, but I dont need to verbalise my different thoughts as I know them within me'.
They say that at times, it's an art to agree to disagree.. But maybe both points of view do not need to be heard. Sometimes, by simply knowing that you share different views, you dont need to discuss them. There is a very rewarding skill in finding the pause between the brain and the mouth, and sometimes its easier to smile, walk away and think ok, i am growing by listening.

Good luck xx

[shrek]

Hi Ruthie,

You are not alone. Many of us feel anger and fear towards our parents and towards people who are more confident then ourselves but are afraid to admit it. So Well Done!!! You are moving in the right direction acceptance is the key to opening new doors.

Acceptance - followed by taking responsibility that you alone are responsible for the way you feel is very imp. We are all conditioned and feel that others are responsible for the way we feel. Easier said than done but we have to keep trying and reminding ourselves.

Your parents can behave the way they want to i.e. being critical or pushy etc but you have to stand up for yourself and just evaluate what is being said i.e. if you are fault try to change yourself if not let go.

Not sure if all this is making any sense. Hope this helps.