Monogamy vs. Open Relationship

[gitanamama]

I have a question for the forum that I was hoping Michael would have addressed in one of his shows but I have not been able to find insight yet. 

I met a guy a few months ago with whom I have an amazing connection, fun, many shared interests, values, etc.  He has all the qualities that I have been hoping to find in a partner, except...he's not sure he wants monogamy in a long-term relationship.  To him, monogamy comes from an ego-based place "ME wanting to be special, ME wanting to be the only one" whereas with true unconditional love and coming from a place of trust in the Universe's design, we should be able to be ok with our partner having relations with other people, including sexual relations, if that is what makes them happy.  If the primary relationship is meant to be, than outside connections with others should not affect it.  He wants his partner to have that freedom as much as he does. 

I think that's all beautiful in theory, but when I think about living it, it makes my stomach turn, and I know it's just not where I'm at (or is it only insecurity/fear that makes me feel icky inside?).  I only want to be intimate with one person and yes, I want to be special to my partner. 

I love this man and would love to be with him over the long term, but I just don't know if this is something that can be bridged.  I'm also not sure how to apply Michael's 200% relationship idea to this. 

Any ideas, insights, wisdom on this would be greatly appreciated!! 

All the best,
G

[angelscomeinthrees]

Hi, Gita,

I recently read a very interesting article on spirituality and 'free love' (for lack of a better way of putting it) and I could see where the people advocating it were coming from.

But, like you, it is not something I personally can subscribe to. I guess it is similar to any spiritual practise; it will be the right way for some, but not everyone.

I think it is undeniable that some monogamous relationships are very ego-based. But remember, the flip side to expecting your partner to be monogamous is that you take that path also, setting yourself boundaries as to what is acceptable with others that are emotional as well as physical. For me, 'renouncing all others' is an act of selflessness, not its opposite.

Just as there are monogamous relationships that are ego-based and exploitative, so there are 'free love' advocates who use its spiritual principles as a smokescreen for exploiting and humiliating others. I have read about open relationships where jealousy and humiliation feature far more than a beautiful freedom to seek pleasure and love wherever it may be found.

So, where does that leave you? You know what your personal beliefs are. You know where your boundaries are set. I know that ignoring my boundaries is like going for a hike with a pebble in my shoes; I might try and ignore it but sooner or later I'm going to have to deal with it or things will get nasty.

Sending you lots of love and positive vibes,

Vikki

[gitanamama]

Thank you so much, Vikki!  I found your perspective extremely insightful and really appreciate you taking the time to share it with me.  I love the pebble in the shoe analogy!  Going to examine the insides of my sneakers now...

Lots of love and positive vibes back to you,
Gita