Fake it 'til you make it: REVEALED

[Magicman]

Hi Michael.  On a Hayhouse show in recent months you touched on your aversion to the "Fake it 'til you Make It" philosophy.  I've heard people refer to some aspects of coaching as exactly that, however: faking it until you're making it.

I'm a great advocate of coaching but I don't ever really know what to say to people who label affirmations and 'thinking positive, regardless' as lies, denial, or (even worse) encouraging unreasonable distances between the 'ideal' and the 'real' self--and therefore causing collapse (insert 'demise' music cue here  ). (ideal/real being subjective terms, I know).  These people might point to a film like American Beauty as an example of this schism (if you've not seen the film, everyone is chasing after images of who they want to be and in the end they all crack up because they can't get there).

So:  why are coaching techniques NOT faking it 'til you're making it?

(I realise there is perhaps an entire book's worth of mileage in this one but it would be nice to chat about, thanks!) 

Christopher

[ChrisXenon]

Hi Christopher, you ask: So:  why are coaching techniques NOT faking it 'til you're making it?

Interesting.

"Coaching" is an umbrella term and "coaches" are a very broad church (there's a joke in there somewhere...).
"Coaching" encompasses a large array of tools and techniques which can be brought to bear in the service of a client.
 Different coaches will know about - and select - a different subset of all those available.

Some techniques are in the "Faking It Til You Make It" camp. (Can we coin "FITUMI", I wonder..).
They can be useful in breaking a cycle of behaviour re-enforcing belief which drives more of the behaviour.
So for a time - it's sometimes helpful to exhibit behaviour which is inconsistent with your inner feelings - for example, smiling and with confident posture wven though you don't feel that way - so that those aorund us stop perceiving us as unhappy and unconfident.
They then treat us differently, and that startes to dismantle our beliefs about the world and our place in it.
Let's be up-front - it's a form of deciet - but it is in the service of entirely good causes.

Affirmations fall into this class of techniques.

But other techniques are nowhere close to it.

They may be cognitive - helping us to understand the mechanisms behind our flawed behaviours.
They may be from NLP, like anchoring - whereby an emotional state becomes associated with a gesture, thereby making it available on demand.
They may be to do with providing feedback to help with self-honesty, or friendlship to help with loneliness, or focus to help with a hectic lifestyle, or they may be structured thinking exercises.

None of these involve any kind of faking.

Does that help - or did I miss your point entirely??

[Magicman]

Hi ChrisXenon,

Thanks ever so much for this.  (And how long it's taken me to come back to it and read your useful comments!  Sorry!)

Thanks, yes, you've hit the nail on the head, by breaking it down into parts.  I'd say it's useful to ask for more information when such a comment is made, to see what is going on in the mind or experience of the person who is rejecting coaching techniques.

As with most arguments, a simplistic all-reaching dismissal often sidesteps an issue that's got a few different facets to it.

Thanks for helping me get my head around this.

Cheers!
Christopher