Vindree's Thread

[Vindree]

Hello all

I'm so new to these boards that this is my first post.

BEGIN IMPERFECTION ANXIETIES
I'm scared to join in with a message board community, because I am uncertain that I can observe the local netiquette, and also uncertain if I will be returning to maintain social connections.
I feel that I would not be doing my part if I were to ask questions that have already been answered somewhere on the board or in the radio shows.
END IMPERFECTION ANXIETIES

As much as I'd like to start telling my whole story, for now I'll start with just a bit.

A LITTLE BACKGROUND
I am a 23 year old male, living in my parents basement in Utah. I suffer from, and part of me takes great delight in, a very low inertia.
In my attempt to change that I have asked of myself daily for the last month, to eat a meal and take a couple supplements.
In the last couple weeks I've added another meal and a couple stretches to every day.
Today I felt momentarily defeated when I injured a leg during my stretch.

If I could have a magic wand waved on my behalf today, (I'll have another wish another day) I would able to instantly insert or remove any practice in my set of automatic behaviors.

I'd like to take a moment to express my gratitude for the structures that make these forums and Michael's radio show freely available to me.

I'm also open to feedback to improve my clarity of communication. I took me 1 hr 20 min. to get through this post.

[Jay Budzynski]

Hello And welcome


A Samurai and a Zen Master


A samurai, a very proud warrior, came to see a Zen Master one day. The samurai was
very famous, but looking at the beauty of the Master and the Grace of the moment, he
suddenly felt inferior.
He said to the Master, "Why am I feeling inferior? Just a moment ago everything was
okay. As I entered your court suddenly I felt inferior. I have never felt like that before. I
have faced death many times, and I have never felt any fear -- why am I now feeling
frightened?"


The Master said, "Wait. When everyone else has gone, I will answer. "
People continued the whole day to come and see the Master, and the samurai was getting
more and more tired waiting. By evening the room was empty, and the samurai said,


"Now, can you answer me?"

The Master said, "Come outside."

It was a full moon night, the moon was just rising on the horizen. And he said, "Look at
these trees. This tree is high in the sky and this small one beside it. They both have
existed beside my window for years, and there has never been any problem. The smaller
tree has never said to the big tree, 'Why do I feel inferior before you?' This tree is small,
and that tree is big -- why have I never heard a whisper of it?"
The samurai said, "Because they can't compare."
The Master replied, "Then you need not ask me. You know the answer."

How is this an issue for you?

And what specifically would you like and want in its place?


Jay

[Michael Neill]

Beautiful, Jay - thank you!

love,
michael

[Vindree]

Thank you Jay, for such a timely and thought-provoking reply.

My first reaction to your post Jay, frankly, was confusion. If by asking about an issue you are referring to feelings of inferiority, I don't believe inferiority is an issue that haunts me these days, and I'd rather address the patterns that give me greatest trouble. Or if by asking about an issue, you are referring to something else, I missed it entirely.

The issue I am pained by, is one of action. When I tell myself that 'I can have what I want,' part of me hears, 'I don't have to do things I don't want to do'.

After a few drafts for this post I'm struggling to avoid rambling and to get to the root of the matter. I am rather attached to my problems around inaction, and believe that if I don't short-cut around it, that the solution will be a valuable tool in to help others.

Thanks again to the board for the personal attention and the differences each of you make in the world.