Crying too easily...how to stop!

[AnneW]

Hi Folks
I have a long-standing problem (or is it a problem?). Since I have been a little girl I have cried at the slightest prompting. I remember in my first year at school a teacher chastising me for being late and crying for the rest of the day...if I see someone else crying (even complete strangers...I start weeping as well...old movies get me crying...
More recently, I was host for a training course and found myself facing a barrage of criticism about the venue in which we were hosting the training (and which I had organised). The final straw was when a couple of the participants began complaining on a bus journey that I hadn't told them where we were going (I thought I had!) and accusing me of making "excuses" and how this wasn't good enough etc etc. I had put a lot of effort into organising the course and some of them had been complaining from the moment they came in the door..
I ended up with tears streaming down my face and crying for the next hour. I really really tried to stop myself and felt so horribly embarrassed by my behaviour...
I'd love to get some help/advice about this...it really just starts and I feel as though no matter how hard I try to stop...the tears just keep flowing...and to be honest, I find it really embarrassing..
Help!

Anne

[Jen Waller]

Hi Anne,

You know I was talking to someone the other day who is doing a drama course and is struggling with a piece where their character has to cry, so just before anyone jumps on and you find alternative responses to such situations you could really help her if you are willing - how do you do cry at the slightest prompting? It would really help her to know precisley what it is you did to be able to do that so well - What is it you were telling yourself or saw so you were responding by crying and feeling horribly embarrassed?

Oh out of curiosity, how would you like to respond instead?

Jen

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Anne
From what you are saying it seems like you have created an over generalized imprint, what do you know about NLP? So I can use words in my next reply that you can work with.
 None = Doh what is NLP
Little = read a book yet still don’t get it
Some = read a pile of books etc, etc, yet still can’t get my brain to work the way I like

Side note

Jen many actors use, a memory the evokes an emotional release, maybe when there first pet past away or  something with other emotional intestacy, then use a anchor to tap into that emotional embodiment.

[aniinl]

Dear NLP people,
bring on the advise, please!!

I have exactly the same problem, though only with one particular person!! Unfortunatly this person is exactly the one I need to impress and who I want respect from (he is kind of a boss of mine, though not my direct one, but the one who decides my future...).

From day one (7 years ago..) he's been pushing my buttons and I feel he's doing it on purpose, though I know on another level, that he's not. I really respect him as authority and for his knowledge, and I can have a normal conversation with him about work issues and even a fun, social conversation over lunch. But when it comes to serious conversations about *me* and how I'm doing my job and what his plan and my plan for my future in the company is - I always feel like I fail him.
Never EVER do I get a word of approval or praise from him, but he's very open when it comes to critisism (which doesn't happen often, luckily, so I don't even know what I'm basing this "crying" on...) I keep feeling he looks down on me, especially because he upsets me everytime and makes me cry. I always think he must see me as a crybaby who will never achieve anything because she's too soft. He's the coldest person I know and my number 1 candidate who I would like to coach in communication skills, haha (in an ideal world without tears...)

Now here's the good news - today my best friend (who's oddly enough his best friend, too) told me how he had told another person all those good things about me!! How impressed he is how I'm handling my current project, and that I'm studying coaching and that he will support me 100% with HR in finding a new position for me where I can use my coaching skills and gain experience. I got goosebumps when I heard that. Especially because I was already getting worked up because I was planning to have a meeting with him soon to discuss just that and to get some feedback on my current performance and my future...
Why can't he tell me?? I mean it's nice to here good things via third parties, but if he knew what boost it would give me if I would hear it from him directly! Aaarrgh!

I'm sure there is some switch I can use to stop crying, right? Which one is it??

Anja

[Jay Budzynski]

“But the one who decides my future” Well you need a slap for giving away your power, STOP IT!!
First thing run every crying episode you can consciously remember backwards and in black and while, pick one the first times if you can remember that, and run it the way I just suggested very fast, until when you think about it you just can’t get it to run the same way, after you do this with 7-11 memories of the same kind, your brain will get the idea and do the rest on auto pilot, your brain is very at doing that.     

Think of 3 really power positive memories, and imagine that you can put the power from these memories in to a wrist band, pump the energy up, and power up  the band and imagine that you are putting the band on your wrist, feel the power and the band on your wrist.
Now take these feelings of power, in to your past into the times and places where you used to cry, only notice what its like from this place of power, and from the very first time right in to next week, month and year, only notice that each day you move forward you get stronger, more centred, focused and clam, now as you are in that time in the future turn and look back in to the now, and walk back with all that power from that time, making any and all adjustment as you come back into the right now.

CAN YOU Smell pop corn?

Play with that Donations are welcome lol

Be happy not give thing away.

Jay

[aniinl]

Slap taken 
I decide about my future, of course, but I will get faster where I wanna be, if he's on my side! 

Sounds like a cool excercise! Will definitely try that!

Thanks Jay!
Anja

[AnneW]

Hi Jen
Hm, many thanks for that rather interesting approach! With regard to what triggers my tears...we-uh-ll (as my son says...<g>)

"how do I cry at the slightest prompting?"...well, this is a sample of the situations where I can feel the tears coming: seeing other people crying...funerals (even if I don't know them!), feeling people disapproving of me, if I am in the presence of people's pain, sad movies, people being heroic...
I first of all get a physical sensation around my eyes/nose area, then I think "Oh, no, not again" and then I can feel the eyes fill with tears, then my lip quivers and then I get choked up and the tears flow down my face..
Is that any help?
How would I like to be? I don't want to stop feeling that stuff but I want to be able to respond with dignity and with a tear in my eye...not have them streaming down my face and snot coming out my nose...OK, OK, that's a bit graphic...but it's about turning it down...if that makes sense..

By and large I'm actually a happy person...(it's something people comment on about me..) so I feel a bit mystified by this..

Jay, with with regard to your NLP stuff..I'd be in the SOME category...but with the proviso that I find it difficult to connect to NLP..it's like I can see how well it works for people but it's not a flavour that appeals to me..I've read books on it etc and I'm always game to try something new...however!
Thanks for everyone's help and advice...Jen, if I can help your friend...contact me offline and I'll be happy to help her...

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Anne

No worries, I would like to point out a None NLP book that might open up a better way of communicating to your self and others.

 Non-violent Communication: A Language of Life, Second Edition
By Marshall B. Rosenberg ISBN:1892005034
Jay

[AnneW]

Hi Jay
Will check it out...

Thanks...

Anne