Do I have to have goals to succeed?

[Kayleigh]

HI! 
 
I've said on here before I've been reading about success strategies since I was a teenager, and theory has helped, but in practise, I never stick to stuff! I hate creating goals in case i get it "wrong" and don't like what I end up having, or I just don't stick to pursuing what it is I say I want. Is it better just to stop trying to get things right and see what happens in life? Or does that mean I'm doomed to failure?

I signed up to SMF and have even stopped that even though each day's lesson is so great!

What's going on? 

Please share your experiences.
Thanks.

Kristen

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Kristen
Do you need goals to succeed? Well goals are just one way of measuring where you are now to where you want to be.

If you have no set destination to aim your life, then you do not need goals, and can just go day to day, doing what ever comes.

Goals focus the mind-body to get specific tangible results in life, there have been a number of studies and I think one that as been quoted in most learning environments in the “Longman study” where there was a 3 groups of people one group did nothing, the second group thought about future success, and the 3rd group wrote out specific life goals,  the first group did not achieve much in life, the seconds group only a few people in that group made any significant gains, yet everyone in the 3rd group became incredibly successful.

What can happen is that you can have too many spoons in to many cakes, meaning that you start a number of projects at the same time, and because you have not putting enough energy in to anyone of them, it can seem like your progress is not moving along as you would hope, so you start to second guess yourself, and when that starts to happen, your not able to pick out from all the task your doing that is causing the issue, as then you would be able to focus more attention on the issue and work past it, freeing up more energy so then you can just get on.

So in many ways this can creates a mental lethargy, and the one way to get past that is to just refocus and drop the task you are doing and pick just one project and run with that till you get to the end, then pick up the next and so on.

One thing you might want to do is define what you mean by success and once you have done that, is your life filling in the definition, as the only real success in the one you create for your self.

Jay   

[Kayleigh]

Hi Jay

Thank you for those really interesting perspectives. I think in this sort of area I'd be glad of some support!. On pondering what my vision of success is I realise I want to say "happy healthy relationships and a sense of contibution", how noble and unselfish that would seem! However a big part of me wants to say "Have an amazing career and social life that will impress everyone". I have to say I'm afraid of even attempting either. In the first example I think I lose out on fun, excitement and glamour, in the second I think I will be lonely and burned out.

Any further suggestions on this inner war anyone?
P.S. Michaels' inner peace technique makes me realise what I really want is a sense of value, self-worth, control of my life, freedom and fun! But I honestly feel like I can't have those unless I have certain things in my life.

 

[Jay Budzynski]

"Happy healthy relationships and a sense of contribution"
"Have an amazing career and social life that will impress everyone"

Hi Kirsten
One thing that we human are really good at doing is creating huge personal global statements of and for personal gratification.
So just for you to think about and maybe write down a more tangible concrete personal statement.
What to you “IS” Happy “Healthy” and “relationship” what “IS” Contribution
What “IS” “Amazing” and how do; you personally define career, what defines a “social life” for you.
“Impress everyone” wow that’s an ambitious goal and I am sure little Sammy in Tokyo, will be very pleased to hear about you social adventures.

How do you know the difference between, what is “good” and “not good?”  Or what is working for you or what is not going in your favour.
How will having just the right bits in place, how would you see, hear and feel, in the idea world.
If you can define your boundaries, in as much specific detail as you can, then you will unconsciously, create the map of the world as you create and define your personal reality.

Try this if you want to test it out. Only do the first bit for a very short time. wake up on a date the you see fit to try this out. Wake up really pissed with the whole world, and every one it, be angry and bitter, and bitch and wine at everything.  OH and do this to every living thing.  And watch how the whole world just turns in to a very unpleasant place.  Max amount of time for doing that is 57 minutes and 11 seconds.
Now you can do this for as long as you like, Smile, stand tall, and repeat this mantra until it becomes you way of thinking.   
I am totally independent of criticism and the good or bad opinion of others.
I’m beneath know one and superior to know one
I am fearless in the face of any and all challenges
Listen to people with a smile in your eyes, and open ears. Notice how the world responds.


Jay

[nick kemp]

Another way to explore this is to consider the following


"What do you mean specifically by succeed?"

"What will be different, once you have done so?"

"What do you need in order for this to happen?"

"What do you believe has stopped you to date from doing so?"


Regards

Nick Kemp

[Kayleigh]

Jay that response really made me laugh then feel embarrassed and then smile. Thank you.

Nick, the answers to the questions are....

By "succeed" I really mean getting paid great money to act and play music, something I don't think I can really do. I also mean to feel completely confident in the company of others and a supportive group of friends who share the same interests as me.

What will be different?
I

• will be more relaxed about my place and sense of worth in the world
  financial/material security.

In order for this to happen I think:
I

• need a job I love and approval for it
  lots of money
  a place of my own in a greeny area
  to like and respect myself/have more confidence
  learn how to start and sustain relationships with people I want to be around.
  and finally

What has stopped me so far:
Fear of failing, feeling stupid and more lonely
only taking initial steps
being "second rate" in social ability and status
lack of money
my dad's opinion of what I want
my fear that if I get what I want I'll hate it and be doomed to misery forever without hope!

I am being brutally honest here. I don't like what I'm saying but it's truly the things that I have been believing.
Thank you for your suggestions so far x :)x

[Kayleigh]

HTML is a bit funny but hopefully it is readable! 

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Kirsten2
The thing with just asking yourself questions is the experience stays inside your “mind-body”, which is when ever I reply to peoples post I go for an experience, s that way you have to doing something.
One of the pit falls of having a brain, is if you don’t give it specific yes/no- On/off signals it will sneak up on you while you’re washing your hair and mug you.
As the basis of personality and reality are encoded in our subjective experiences, then how we see, hear, feel, smell, taste, and chunk them into our projected world.
What you focus on in your mind is how you experience the world.

Little test read this first then give it a go.

Close you’re eyes, and think of the room your in, now think of everything in that room that is blue in colour, and make a mental note of as many thing’s as you can. Open your eyes and slowly look around the room. What do you notice?

If like most people everything that was blue would have jump out at you. Now if you are creating your inner would, with stress, and crap then guess what? You will find it.
Yet if you build well thought of congruent positive ways of being in the world, you will find them.
So asking questions is only the first part. Living and creating the results is where it counts.

Jay

[marvelousandrea]

hi kristen!  i've had some interesting experiences with this lately, hopefully sharing them can be useful to you in some way...

i used to be a BIG goal setter in all areas of my life.  at the end of last year i realised that the goals i was setting career wise (i was doing interior design) were just not working for me... i was feeling like i couldn't accomplish my goals and i was throwing so much money, time and energy at them to try and meet them and feeling frustrated and like a failure.

with the help of my minister (i go to a new thought church) i saw that my goal hadn't been set in a spirit of joy and passion, and that i was sabotaging myself.  in my case, i don't think it's that setting goals is wrong, but i was setting them in such a way that i was setting myself up for failure and frustration.  so i let go of my career goals and embraced a new affirmation: i am creative genius.

creative genius knows how to express itself and create success and purpose.

so i just stayed with the part of me that is creative genius and let everything else drop away.  i lost interest in my interior design company all together.  i gave my creative genius time and space to begin to express itself in my life.  it was a bit scary to not be doing anything, to not be working towards anything tangible.

but over the course of a few months my creative genius strengthened and began to express itself... i was feeling more passion and enthusiasm and ideas were coming to me.  i saw with much more clarity the gifts that i have to offer and felt more strongly my desire to use those gifts, to offer them to the world in a way that would be beneficial to other people and rewarding for me.

things are falling into place for me with much less effort now.

so it feels, to me, like in letting so of specific goals (the kinds that might be "wrong" or dommed to failure) and embracing my true nature and making choices that are in alignment with my joy and passion and happiness, i create the space for greater success to happen in my life.  i really love michael's approach with the WOW factor... i find i can't go wrong if i doing what makes me go "WOW!!!"

i hope this is helpful for you somehow...
andrea