Bullying

[barclaybear]

Hi Michael & Coaches - would appreciate some guidance here please.   

I've been asked by a mother to do some NLP work with her 15 year old daughter who is a bit overweight, lacks self confidence and is getting bullied at school.  I thought I'd try some general confidence building exercises (swish pattern, ring of confidence etc.) to start with, but was a bit concerned about how to tackle the bullying question, since it's being perpetrated on her by people outside of herself - so the ownership part of the problem may not be within her grasp. 

I've only treated adults so far and don't have any children, so I have no experience to draw on of what might work well in this situation.  Please can you advise on any experiences you may have had in this area, and let me know what techniques you might recommend I try. Your help would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks,
B Bear

[marksherwood]

Hi B Bear,

Interesting post.

Have you considered maybe not dealing (directly) with the bullying aspect of the girls life and concentrating solely on confidence building and motivation ?

The ownership part of the problem will, i am sure become easier for her to deal with as her confidence and motivation grow stronger.

As for techniques, stick with what you are doing.

In short, my advice would be to allow her confidence (in herself) to grow, nurture her motivational  drivers and maybe, just maybe she will find a way of dealing with the bullying herself.

I am sure many other Genii will have other opinions. I know bullying in our schools is a real scourge and was tempted to answer this post with a simple ' tell her to hit em with a baseball bat' ...but, maybe its the bullies that would benfit from some NLP Changework ?

Hope this helps,

Cheers,

Mark

[teenyweenygeni]

Hi
my reply is a gut response as one human beingeni to another. 
Go gentle, and trust your instincts.  She is not broken so don't try and fix her.  Remember NLP is learning to do changing behavior.  Do fun NLP and laugh as much as you possibly can while you do it.  Find out what behaviours she wants to change.  I'm sure she will grow and shine with confidence as will her confidence in you.  How about doing some creative work like writing stories, painting pictures, cartoons, writing songs.
Also what about Mother?  What does she know and understand about NLP.  Is there any work she might like to do about how the the bullying is effecting her.

best wishes

[martinh]

Hello Barclay!

First off, I'd consider a 15 year old an adult. Many don't, but that's me.

I'd look for well-formed outcomes first.

Body image - mirror exercises, genuine compliment.. oh, Michael and Paul have loads of things in their books, don't they?
If weight's an issue there's Paul's system

I'd look for symptoms associated with the bullying (sleep trouble, intrusive distressing thoughts, self-image damage), and depending maybe deal with them one at a time or aim for some kind of underlying pattern.

With regard to it being bullying by other people, she can change how she feels about it - reframe, and change assumptions.

Also, you can timeline out past leaving school into what kind of person she'll be in her 20's and bring some of that back to the present. Check how far her timeline goes, and whether it actually gets out of school.

I'd expect the possibility of abreaction/lots of emotion with bullying and self-image issues too.

I'm rambling, bottom line - you're good and when she's in front of you you'll know what to do, won't you?

All the best,

Martin.

[Kayleigh]

As someone who sometimes feels like they're still 15 and hasn't too long left the harsh world of bullying in schools, in my case ownership in terms of being allowed to reach out to others and not feeling guilty or blameful about the bullying is a major step. I was told to stand up for myself,  not be a victim and have confidence but it only pointed out what was wrong with me, building on (and stemming from) the bullying.

Additionally I felt like an adult but the school system and living at home my parents did not treat me as such and so that is another aspect to deal with. Luckily, you have contact with the girl's mother and so perhaps this is something that could be discussed with her too. There are many aspects and individual cases are different but I just thought my own experiences might help!

Good Luck and keep us posted!