Can we ever really be free of the past?

[Kayleigh]

Hello again!

This is a geniune question after realising that how I act is majorly a jumble of what I think others would like me for (from my past and present) with a hint of what I really want. Are there any effective techniques for withdrawing what feels like the power of seeking approval? For erasing the idea that someone's opinion of me is terribly important.

Any experiences you want to share are very welcome! 

[Jay Budzynski]

Hello this is a genuine reply-

There is a very simple yet profoundly powerful and very positive- self imagine builder- there are a few simple steps- which at first might feel a little funny- yet give it a go and see- hear and feel how things go-

The first part is to go stand in front of a mirror and just look at your self in the eyes- and only pay attention to looking in to your own eyes- do this a no longer than 2-3 minutes and repeat a few times- if you thoughts start talking to you just take a slow deep breath  and let out a sigh- then just start looking in to your own eyes-

Once you are feeling ok doing that- do the same thing only repeat theses three mantra's to yourself- keeping eye contact with yourself- as you say them to yourself- for several minutes-

I am totally independent of the criticism and the good or bad opinion of others.

I?m beneath know one and superior to know one

I am fearless in the face of any and all challenges   


As you do this several times a day- you are building your self-esteem and as you are using your eyes- one as an resourceful anchor as you will- through out the day catch your reflection- and as the mantra self respect and respect of other- then it works in a very speciacl way.

Now as a little side- if you notice yourself in a reflection- take a few seconds- to repeat the mantras- if you take the time to memorize them- that it will take 7-11 seconds to re-site- them- just once- and will build more and more- over time.

There are thing's like EFT and the sedona method- that are very good for letting go of emotional baggage- from NLP there are things like the new history generator- new behaviour generator- for letting go and rebuild the self- there is Time-lines that can be used to re imprint new resources, etc.  then if you are of a spiritual way- there are thinks like Reiki and Karmic healing-

There are many different ideas- that are open- yet this is only one very small glimpse- of what may give away of being the best you.

LJ     

[Jay Budzynski]

Just to add to this getting out of your head and living in the moment will open the doors to being free from some aspects of the past- the thing's that remind us to look both ways before we cross the street are important learnings- so there are something's that are worth keeping.

LJ 

[Tim]

Hi Kristen,

For me the light bulb moment came some years ago whilst reading Richard Bach?s ?Illusion.? One of his characters says something to the effect of ?If your happiness depends on what someone else chooses to think about you, then I guess you do have problems?
At that moment it struck me quite hard how easily I had handed over responsibility for my happiness to other people.
I decided to wean myself off other peoples? opinions like an addict. So I chose a small group of friends whose opinions I respected and decided that their opinions could count but the rest of the worlds? didn?t.
This in itself helped me to feel much more centred and independent.

Many years later I realised that we can never really know what someone else is thinking about us anyway. So the problem usually comes down to the storyteller in our heads telling us what it thinks someone is thinking. (I hope this is making sense!)

Finally, it occurred to me that I had been using other peoples opinion to guide me instead of developing my own inner compass.   Increasingly I?m becoming the one and only reference point for what is right for me ? and enjoying life more as a consequence.
 

Take care,

Tim.
P.S. For more about taming you inner storyteller I can recommend Michael?s book ?Feel Happy Now!?. Full of his usual sharp insights and practical advice.

[Kayleigh]

That makes perfect sense Tim thank you. Also, thanks Jay, I have looked in to a lot of those methods and been interested then given up pretty quickly. After a session of Reiki I felt so sad and angry I didn't go back!

When I wrote that post I had only felt that day that there needs to be a release before I can bring in the new. Is this true for anyone else? My conscious mind can live in the present with will but perhaps there are energies in my consciousness that are pretty old and not helping me. At the same time I don't want to be "fixed" before I get on with my life.

Can anyone relate to this? Is there a happy medium?

Thanks again!
Kristen

[Jay Budzynski]

Hello this part of your statement just might be the key reason while you are maybe feeling stuck -

-then given up pretty quickly

Sometimes a little persistance is needed- like if you start a Karate class and your goal is to get a black belt- you need a little more than intention to get to the end result- weekly classes- practices- practices-and more practice- I can relate to this way of feeling as for a very long time- I never allowed myself to take responsibility for my own well being- and for a long time lived in the shadows of being a victim- and I felt real stuck- it was only when I hit a point that is called threshold- that I said to myself from this day- I am in charge- so its time to start living- I remember the date of that day- 21st September 1993- and from that day to this- I never looked back-

So you might reconsider looking at some of the things- that you drooped- and see if they maybe right for you now-

You might be in the transition's stage where you are building up to a threshold point- and you just say its time to move ON- this type of feeling is where nothing seems to fit- and you are looking in lots and lots of places yet- just can't seem to grab hold of anything tangible that you feel you can't commit too- which is OK.

So you just might say to your self- I can hang in here for a while and see what happens- or you can just allow you self to see- and notice what you are saying to you self as you get to grips with make a new personal mission statement- saying something like I am here right now- and as I look into the future I can notice that there are some thing that I like and something that I can do different now-

Yet as you look from that time in the future you can see you as you are now- and from that time notice the new you as you can and want to be- knowing that you can  have and let go- of everything that is holding you back- in some other time- where you give yourself all the permissions that are needed to live in new ways- in the future- that is bright and vibrant- and you know that you can- just as easily make each new day- empower you- in ways that are just right- and as you can find aliment from this and that time now- you can allow- your self to grow your self-esteem- and personal power just by the thought of having thoughts- that support you in only the ways that are healthy and congruent for you now.

It might be OK for you to revisit some of the things that you past by- as sometimes- some things are not needed at one time yet can be helpful in other times- and its also ok to be where you are now- as long as you are mindful and know that getting a black belt- some times means you have to stick with things a little longer.

LJ