How do you stop thinking about something you don't want to think about?

[aniinl]

I got offered a new job. It's a fantastic opportunity for me (will move me more into the coaching direction). I asked for it a year ago and now it was created for me. Fantastic. Only I did not consider who I would be reporting to.

The job will only start in about 3 months but already now I can't stop thinking about how it will be once I report to this person. She has only half of my knowledge and I feel downgraded reporting to her (in my department I used to report to a VP and in the new one there will be a director (her) between the VP and me). But most importantly, we are opposite personalities. (I'm a C, she's an I, if you're familiar with the DISC profile...). I know because 7 years ago I reported to her already. Since then I have developed so much and went through different departments, and she is still where she was 7 years ago - only her title changed.

I tried to negotiate the hierarchy - without success, only reason being that the department would become too flat if there were too many people reporting straight to the VP. But I thought - ok, if this didn't work, the Universe will think of something after all, it's still 3 months to go, lots of things can change until then. After all, it was pretty unlikely to get this job in the first place - it did not exist, but I never had any doubt that they would think of something, so it worked out!

But now, after a week, i notice that I can't think of anything else. She, and the fact that I'm being downgraded are constantly on my mind and I keep playing scenarios what it's gonna be like once I work in her department. It's draining my energy and I'm exhausted and so tired that other people notice (and mention that I talk of nothing else but work).

I really really want to stop this. Today I went to take a nap during the day (I never do) but everytime I dozed off, I started to dream/think about her and woke up. So I couldn't sleep and I'm as tired as before. It's like I woke myself up everytime I noticed she was in my head again... I really really really want to stop this, this is like an obsession. I know the best way is to just take the job, and prove everyone how good i am and make them promote me. And I know I can do it. But still I'm playing those worst case scenarios and it's so stupid to do that before i actually started the job! And to think that I'm gonna do that for the next 3 months (and then what?) makes me go crazy...

Can anyone NLP me please?

[Jay Budzynski]

Cool the real good thing about have so much time is that you can have just so much fun- I mean- you can first start thinking about all the really horrible, things that you could put your self through- you can start by talking really fast and using angry tones- and getting all worked up- and the veins start to pound and squeeze all the energy out of you- you can start to worry- and you can get really good at being complacent in your work- and start to sabotage yourself- arriving to work late- not finishing your dead lines on time- and just going crazy- just think how much fun you could have with all that extra stress-  Or

You just might like to skip that- and as you know you have to talk to yourself- you might as well just run to the end for the time you have built inside your mind- and go to the end- the end of the first day- and now from that time- build in all the soft comfortable sights- sounds and sensations that allows you to empower yourself-

There is no need to negotiate with anyone other than yourself- so as you read this-- you know that- the only thing that is doing this is your thinking- so as you can -think right now-  just what thoughts would be best for you- that allows you to learn more in this- now as you go beyond that times with any and all the resources- that you can- using in the ways that allows you to- stop- and notice- then - release- just by allowing what is happing to happen- sight-sounds- feelings etc- just let them be-respond in the most appropriate way- what questions will allow you to making the biggest move with the lest effort- then witness what happens- then run it again- and again- and each time you cycle through the Notice-Release-Respond-Witness cycle you with be able to move though and experience with a sense of empowerment and grace.
The type of question you might want to ask- what needs to be here with me right now- so I can get more choices from this place of being- what can or could I do that would allow me to get in to a better state of coping- If I had this how would I be acting and being in the would? How much stress is enough and if I was working from a place of strength how would that be? What am I getting from these feeling of lake?  And if all this is really just a process of thought then what new thought would I have in there place?  And so on-

As you are smarter than a smarter thing- you already know- that you will be fine- and that you will place the right thoughts in the right place- yet just before you do now- just what else you making doing that so much better as in time you know that- you have already got and done what is needed you just might need to remind yourself that you know that you knew- just in the times and places that you knew you needed to know now- in the right now you will get it- and as you keep you new learning?s in mind- you can remember to remember just the new ways of learning in all the right times that allow you to just be in the right ways about thinking now. Yet you never really know how to just know about knowing in the places that allow you to be right now.

LJ

I think I might need to relearn some stuff- 

[Tim]

Hi Aniinl,

A couple of things to think about.

Probably the easiest way to ?stop thinking of something you don?t want to think about? is to think of something else.
This isn?t quite as fatuous a piece of advice as it seems! Have you ever cut your finger and noticed how it really hurts ? until you get absorbed in something else ? then you might notice the pain again later in the day before your interest fixes on something else? 
Now stop reading this and whatever you do, DO NOT think of a black cat. And the first thing to leapt into your mind was, of course ? a black cat. In the same way, by constantly telling yourself to stop thinking about your director you?re constantly bringing her to mind.

This sounds like a dream job for you. One you can unreservedly commit your abilities and energies to. So think instead of how lucky you are to be in this position. Think of the people whose lives and work you?re going to make a difference to. Think through in detail how you?re going to organise yourself, what else do you need to know / read round before you start? Think of the success you?re going to make of this opportunity.

By replacing the thoughts that you didn?t want with these and other more positive thoughts, you?ll soon start to feel happier and more energised. 

If it helps you can imagine the images on a TV screen. Whenever thoughts of your director come up, switch channels to the station that you want to watch. And if someone turns it back to the old channel then switch again to the one that you want to watch with a firm ?No, this is what we?re watching.? Rather as you would with an ill-behaved child!

Finally, you asked to be NLPed. One of the Basic Operating Principles of NLP is that whoever has the greatest flexibility in a situation gets to dominate that situation.
Irrespective of the DISC pigeon-hole that you may have been placed in, you have the freedom to behave flexibly and to enhance your working relationship with anyone.
Very finally, if there?s any ?history? between you from the last time you worked together, you can practice this flexibility by thinking of ways to resolve this so that you start the new job with a clean sheet.

Hope this helps,

Take care,

Tim.

[aniinl]

Thank you, guys!

Jay, I'm gonna have to read through this a couple more times before I fully understand it, I think

Tim, I like the tv screen thing. That's something that could actually work for me!

I feel a lot better since I posted my rant. I'm afraid though, it hasn't got anything to do with being NLPed I should have just noticed, uhm... what time of the month it was... Oh there are still some unNLPable things out there!!!

Otherwise I'm normal...

... I think

 

[Jay Budzynski]

Maybe you right you just might

I will brake it down for you into a few simple chunks-

Get into you mind-body right now notice it as you are in this moment

Allow what ever thoughts to run as they are and thank them

Now let go and push anything that is not helpful you might push it off into the distance make it very small and look on it as an old memory

Then put in your might the sights sounds and feelings and the ways to walk though life with grace and empowerment

Take the new learnings and place them in to the times and places you feel you will need them-

The more specific and clear you can do this the better the impact always knowing that you can update anything that may change in the time to come-

LJ   

[Sophie]

Hi Aniinl

On the NLP courses I was on, the great Richard Bandler taught us four words, and I quote.... "SHUT THE F*** UP!!"

I use it lots.  Whenever thoughts/voices are getting in the way of clear thinking and particularly when I'm having trouble sleeping I just say the words firmly (inside or out loud), making sure it is the loudest voice in my head.  There is a sudden quietness in my head that I can then fill with a calm picture or whatever I want.  If the thoughts/voices I don't want come back I just say the four magic words again.  Occasionaly I have to shout them (inside) or I have to repeat them more than once, but most times I can just say them firmly to myself once and it all goes quiet and it feels like my head says "OK, what would you prefer to think about now" and I choose what to think about.

Give it a go.  It really works.

Sophie
x

[Diva Eve]

Hellooooooo

greetings from to the C from an I
How cool you are different- do you remember the best teams are made up of different quadrants. Even if it appears challenging at first.
She needs a good C and you will do well with an I around you.

Next step is a great opportunity to have an intimate conversation with yourself:

what in yourself hasn't developed for you to believe that she hasn't moved on at all?

When did you decide that reporting to someone was degrading?

Using the skills you have now, how can you become the true leader that you want to be- bearing in mind that the true leader doesn?t necessarily seek that position. ( see Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa etc.)


What a fantastic dilemma to be in- preserve the learnings- you are approaching a very important breakthrough for yourself.Wow!!
Evelyne

[aniinl]

Hi guys,

thanks for all your comments & interesting questions

Update: I sat down one day, trying to "look beyond the problem" and wrote down 15 things that could happen to prevent me from reporting to her... One of the 15 things was that I get offered a fantastic job, which is much better for my career than this one, which pays better, etc. etc. And that's what happened... Compared to this job, the one my company offered me looks really really insignificant.

Today I had the first interview with the headhunter - they liked me and said they will forward my details to the employer. I am absolutely amazed with that company, their website sounds so positive and they really come across as a company who really values their employees and invests in them.

So cross your fingers...

Anja