Ashamed of a habit

[Kayleigh]

Hi again!

I recently graduated and have joined the running for getting a job. I've had a few interviews (and auditions, I'm interested in acting and music), some for pretty good jobs but more often than not, I don't go through with it! I'm more concerned I'll get the job and hate it to be honest. The other thing that goes through my head is that I just wont "fit in" as many of these places are in "high brow establishments".

So I keep getting all prepared for these interviews, getting the clothes, getting the documents, doing my research and then bottling it. The thing is I don't feel scared!

Then later, I have to make excuses to the employers and feel I have to lie to my friends and family saying "I just didn't get the job" and I'm liking myself less and less.

Help!

[Diva Eve]

so what exactly would you like to change?
 

[martinh]

Do you mean that you don't turn up to the interviews once they've been arranged?

Maybe you could frame it differently - so the next three are really just investigations, to find out what the environment will be like. Have a tour, grill them about it, and get answers to all your questions. Have them satisfy all the things you need to know.

Also, it's fine to turn down a job after being offered it, I do it all the time, and it's quite liberating. If you have permission from yourself not to take the job if the employer offers it, perhaps it'll be easier to just go and investigate it?

Is there some other type of job you'd rather be looking for, that you're less worried about hating?

Cheers,

Martin.

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Kristen
 
I have lifted four of your statements from your post there are a few more this I might have you question later yet theses four seem to be the bases of investigation-

?I don't go through with it? What would happen if you did? What the very worst thing that could happen?  What Is the very best thing that could happen?

I'm more concerned I'll get the job and hate it- How do you know you would hate it? Unless you give it a go then you are just fantasizing- What would it be like if you noticed yourself falling in love with the work and seeing your self go from the bottom run of the ladder all the way to the top?

The other thing that goes through my head is that I just won?t "fit in"- you mean you are not going to take the time to talk with other people and make friends and maybe miss out on building and learning more about yourself and the people in the work place?

As many of these places are in "high brow establishments?  I am guessing from that statement that you are placing something on a pedestal  and giving something more emotional energy than is required- If its such an high brow establishments then does that not open up more opportunities to for making a really good living with all the peeks- and in time a way to become a very successful  part of the very high brow establishment- and in doing so can look back- and see your self moving up the success ladder- from a penthouse or a home that you own with out having to worry about- meeting the bills or mortgage payments- you become one of the top money makers- in your field of choice-


I like what Martin said about saying no to a job offer this give you a level of control and a huge confidence boost- and if you have a ideal of a company you would like to work with and for- then setting up a number of interviews- with other companies- could be an aid to use as a learning curve- about feeling happy and confident when you go for the interview with the company you want to work with and for-

LJ 

[Kayleigh]

Merci!

Eve: What would I like to change? Feeling like such a let down to myself and others. Being scared I can't cope with full time employment and feeling like an outcast within a group (usually in a work situation). Also denying what I really want and replacing it with what I think might be possible (lifted from Michael's first book).

Martin: Yep I don't turn up once they've been arranged. I've gone through with some and not others. The difference is perhaps that with some I can frame it as an investigation, and others it feels like it's going to be a huge humiiation, usually in the "high brow establishments" and by this Jay (thank you for your insights) I mean places where the majority of people who work there come from a very different background to mine and I feel rather intimidated.

Thanks again for your comments and support.

Kristen

[Jay Budzynski]

Hello Kristen

I mean places where the majority of people who work there come from a very different background to mine and I feel rather intimidated.

Doh That just means your Human- your meant to come from different backgrounds- and have different histories- otherwise the world would be one boring place-  example- Hay what you do last Saturday- You already know that as we are robots and do the same thing each day- luckily that's not the case so you can share many different experiences- make new friends-

Just look at it this way if you and the eye brow gang where in a plane crash- on an island- then no matter   what people histories where you would all be equal and an important part of the group- and would have to team up- to make it though to survive- yes I know a little dramatic- yet you have just as much right to work in any environment that your skills and talents allow you to shine-

Its nothing more than starting a new school- yes at first you know- no one- then as you go through the first lesson- you get a sense of who seem nice and who does not- then first brake comes- and you are invited to join a small group- and you join in- over the day you get talking with a few of the students- and you create a bond- with one or two- and this build up over the days and weeks- next thing you no you are being voted the most popular kid in school- or some other accolade that fits the bill-


You can only live and deal with what is happening in the now- anything that your thinking about that make you feel- uncomfortable is nothing more than fantasy-  as you really don't have any idea- other than guess work- of how things may be- so just may be- you might consider seeing- feeling- and hearing things in ways that support you- and allow yourself to shine-


One thing that could be- in your mind- is that you just might need a bit of a rest- from all the studying you have just finished- and the gap between ending your studies and leaping into the world of work- is just pushing you a little- so your unconscious mind may be stepping in- as it needs a rest- so it can organize its self-

LJ   

[Kayleigh]

Right, an update if you're interested. Had another interview and audition this week and iwent through with both! Even tough I nearly bottled it just before both. On both occasions I said to myself "Just go for it". Neither were great experiences, neither were awful. I know now that I defnitely don't want one of the jobs since finding out more at the interview (the one that pays incidently) but what I'm really scared of is saying no if they offer it to me!

Actually, I'm scared of never finding anything that's right for me.

At least I'm going to find out now!   

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Kristen

There is a bit of sneakiness- in this reply- just to let you kNOw

I have been off form over the last tow months dealing with a lot of real life stuff- so helpfully my brain is behaving for me- with this reply-

So like most of my replies I normally do some weird- hypno language stuff- yet I decided- just not to let that happen with this post- yet I am thinking if you wont say No- to a potential job offer if you don?t want it- so by definition you will have to say yes- what else wont you say NO too?  Or in other words just what will you say yes too things you don?t want? And even though you know what I?m not asking- you can think- what are the hidden meanings to this- and if you don?t say- NO- or yes to the things you do want- them you might get in a whole world of feeling like your being taken advantage off- Yes I know I lied about using types of language forms- I?m sneaky like that-

So you know that there are things that you would say yes too- So would you like to say yes to being able to say NO- and as you think about Saying yes to saying NO- by the process of saying NO to the thing you don?t want you are in effect saying yes to what you do want- and as you want to be able to say Yes to saying NO- you can say NO- knowing that your are in fact still saying yes to what you want- So as you think about a number of things that you world really say yes too- think how that feeling of saying yes feels- Now on the other hand you know there are things that you would say No too- and as you think about them- make a comparison- between what saying yes feels like and what saying no feeling like- and also noticing what it sounds and looks like also-

So as you think about something from your past that you should have said no too- yet didn?t allow that saying no feeling to go into that memory- and allow it to texture it in ways that all it to have changed - and practice saying No- in just the same way- to a number of other memories- that you said yes too- yet didn?t want too- Now as you think about saying NO would you like to say yes to being able to say No and as you think about saying yes too this idea- you can say yes to saying yes and you can say yes to saying No- knowing that you can change your mind in the meantime- and say yes to the new learning while thinking about saying No to things that will give you more freedom and choice- cos if you can only yes to the thing you want to say No too- and No to the things you want to say yes too- sooner or later you will have too- choose just what not to say- about anything- Now as you might be thinking just where this is leading too- you can say yes too the learning that are helpful in this and you can yes NO too- the other stuff- that you DON?T need- and you really do know how too say yes to your yeses and NO too your NO?s yet you can say yes to saying NO- and Know that this learning has built into you- in ways that allow you to be more flexible in ways that make sense too you- and you KNOW NOw how to say NO in just the right ways that work for you- and you can say yes in the NOowing just the right way that work for you-

Jay 

[Diva Eve]

Hello lovely,
thank you for your answer. I have a funny idea that change involves change. Meaning that focussing on what you don't want and then wanting to change what you don't want is still hanging out in the realms of the "dont' want"
how about formulating what you want?
What is it you would really like? How would you like to be? What kind of life would you like to live? Who do you admire and what for? ( that can give you good clues)

You are on the right track. Thank you for asking the questions!!
Rock on

Eve ( who is also into acting and music and NLP and coaching)
ohhh and there is a song I wrote that deals with nothing ever seeming good enough cause trust me I've been there and done it ( and got over it and it's more than possible!!!)- you can listen to it on itunes....look for Diva eve and find the song "stupid"

love, eve