Legal action or let it go?

[martinwhite]

Hi everyone.

A while ago I paid 500 pounds to a company to learn to be a driving instructor. They made a complete mess of sending me the correct material, but eventually this was sorted out and I was told to work to a certain point and then contact them, and they would send mock exam papers for the Stage 1 exam, which I did. A month passed and i was called by them saying they'd received my request but due to staff sickness etc they were a bit behind, and would get to me in a couple of weeks.

I got caught up in other stuff and i didn't hear from them in a year. I wrote to them saying I wanted my money back because basically they had breached contract by not sending me the materials that they promised. They wrote back to my first letter playing dumb, and ignored my second letter in which I threatened legal action. It'll cost 150 pounds to sue them online which I should be able to get back if I win.

However, I can hear the voices of many esteemed authors (Wayne Dyer, Stephen Covey etc) saying "let it go" and I keep thinking of the old maxims about drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, chasing the rattlesnake etc.

I can't seem to separate "letting go" with "giving up and being walked all over".

What do you think?

Martin

[Baka]

My immediate response is to say get the money back. As you say, they didn't keep their end of the bargain.

It is, in my opinion, the same as buying some food at the supermarket and finding it is mouldy when you get it home or buying a TV from an electrical shop and it not working when you plug it in. In both situations, you would expect a refund wouldn't you?

Lee

[bhouncy]

http://www.ekran.no/html/revenge/

It's the only way

Personally I would be bloomin raging. I had an aunt who had her garden landscaped. The guy really messed it up and wouldn't fix it after she had forked out the cash. She got her journalist son to have a word with him about putting his handy work in the local paper. The guy yielded to stem the wilting of his company. Her garden is now blossoming.

Letting it go would be apt for someone calling you a derogatory name. Stealing is another matter all together.

[martinwhite]

Has anyone else heard the acronym WWJD?

I've been practising my own version recently - WWWDD? (What Would Wayne Dyer Do) I love the peace and tranquilty that he chooses for his life and would dearly love some of the same.

I have not been able to produce an answer to WWWDD in this situation.

Ordinarily I would have already made the application to moneyclaim.gov.uk - yet that small voice is causing me to hesitate.

[happylife]

Hi Martin

I agree it can be confusing deciding the difference between standing up for yourself and "poisoning yourself". 

I'm slowly beginning to grasp what "letting go" means.  In this situation, you could let go of the anger/resentment/humiliation or whatever bad feelings you have (using whatever techniques you know, Release Technique, Sedona method, EFT, Byron Katie's stuff, Journeywork, reframing, other NLP stuff, etc etc), and once you've done that you can still go ahead with getting your money back if it still feels like the right course of action - maybe so they get the message not to do that to other people?

Sometimes I don't want to let go of my anger, for example, because I'm afraid it will mean I won't then take the action I feel I should.  But in practice, whenever I have managed to release the strong emotion, I can then approach the problem more rationally and see I have more options than I thought.  Or occasionally happy "coincidences" arise that resolve the problem for me.

Apparently you can also release on your not wanting to let go of the anger.  I'm not sure I've got my head around that one yet though 

Don't know if that helps...

love
Etty
xx

[aniinl]

Hi Martin,
is there any reason why you think you would lose the case? If not, if you're 100% sure you'll win, then go for it.
Does your company have a legal department? When I'm in doubt, I usually go to our legal department and ask for their opinion. Once they even wrote a letter on my behalf - that already helped as it scared the other party.

Anja

[martinwhite]

Hi Anja.

We don't have a legal department.

However in the UK there is a website called consumeractiongroup which originally started up to help people claim unlawful bank charges back from their banks (i.e. all the times you were charged 35 pounds for being 2 pounds overdrawn, or a 5 pound standing order was bounced) I have put my case on there and whilst there's no ringing endorsements, there's no alarm bells yet either.

To be honest, it's not really the winning/losing ratio I'm thinking of. I'm thinking of the cost to me in terms of time, negative energy, stress etc even if I win. I might well win, but at what price?

Martin

[marksherwood]

Hi Martin,

Interesting post.

A couple of years ago i would have been in the same dilema as yourself.

However (and this isnt NLP related in any way), somebody gave me some advice :

Only fight the fights worth fighting

It does take a bit of a mind shift, but it works for me.

Cheers,

Mark

[dani]

Martin
You know deep deep down what it is you really want to do.  I am in a similar situation where I have to make a big decision to do... or not to do something and your post has helped me to decide what I am going to do, because like you I am interested in NLP, Wayne Dyer, RB, Michael etc, etc, but the fact is it is my decision and my life and at the end of my life there will be only me to look back and me who will be interested, or not interested in my decision.  So I already know its nothing to do with Wayne Dyer etc.. which choice I make, it's to do with everything I am right now totally and on that I make my judgement and decision and know it is the best decision I can possibly make at this time.
So I will float ahead over my time line, eyes close ( its amazing what I can do)  why not allow yourself to travel along yours ( I know you are equally amazing) and float to the end of days on this planet and when you graciously land, turn around and look back right down your very own life and see how amazing it truely has been, and as you look back you can see all the great things that have happened to you, and all the great decision and judgements you have made in your lifetime.  Look theres the great place you decided to live, oh look theres those lovely people you decided to be friends with and have ment so much to you, look there are those you you gave a wide birth too, aren't yo pleased about that?  wow look at the great work you decided to do, and the  places you decided to go to, and what about all those decisions that helped you to bee as healthy as you are now in your old age, and have enough energy and wealth, just breath in and savour them all, absorbing them into every pore and celll of your body, boy what a life and how good its been...  By the way can you see the time when you were unsure about sueing the driving school, what did you decide?.........  What a great decision! .....now spend a few moments just gliding smoothly across the events in your life time, from start to finish and finish to start going too and fro picking up and absorbing every and each good decisions and choices you made and when you are ready float back down onto today and land  feet firmly on the ground and know you have it all, everything you need from start to finish and finish to start to make the right decision for you and your own very own very best life.

Hope this helps shed some light, sharing your dilema has helped shed some light my way.

Very best wishes 
 

[bhouncy]

Right. 'letting go' and 'being walked all over' are not the same thing. You don't have to hate these people or get angry with them therefore you are letting go. ?500 is  a lot of xmas presents so stop fretting and make a plan to get it back. From the little you have posted I'm going to presume they are legally in the wrong so you are being walked all over by worrying over and over about it. Get up off the ground and respectfully get your money back. Use some of that NLP attitude.

[Michael Neill]

Hey, Martin -

Don't know what WWWDD, WWRBD, or even WWJD, but I can speak fairly articulately for WMNWD... 

The confusion is what is being let go of - the action or the stressful thinking and emotion. 

Was Gandhi a doormat?

Was Martin Luther King a doormat?

Was Nelson Mandela a doormat?

From what I know of them, they were all men who stood firm in the face of what they saw to be injustice, but continually let go of the anger, hate and hostility that burns hot then burns out.  They chose instead to cultivate the quieter, slower burning fire of love, truth and peace which is always present when we're not blinded to it by our own thoughts.

Here's a somewhat sideways example:

If you ordered a chicken sandwich at a restaurant and they brought you pasta, you wouldn't hesitate to send it back.  If they never did bring you what you ordered, you wouldn't have any question about asking for your money back.  But you would probably be able to let go of the righteous indignation by the end of the week if not by the time you left the restaurant.  "Boy, that was strange," you might think to yourself.  You probably wouldn't go back there - but you would have completely let it go.

No major upset, no doormat, no problem...

Hope that's of use,
michael

[martinwhite]

Hi Michael,

That's great advice, thank you.

Martin

[marksherwood]

Hi Martin,

Apologies if you have tried this route....but have you contacted the Citizens Advice Bureau ?

They supplied my better half with the name of a website (which she didnt save, and now cant remember)....(Typical woman)......(gulp)

The website has loads of templates for letters of complaint with the relevant headings (Misdiscripation of goods act...etc) and this seems to 'scare' suppliers etc into submission, once you start quoting legislation at them !

I have tried deep trance regression with my partner, to try and remember the name of the site, but all she can remember is that i had a head of hair then and didnt have a belly !

The point being  that she was in an ongoing dispute with a supplier to her business and stood to loose quite a substantial amout of money...within 10 days of sending the 'official' letter she recieved a cheque (and some free goodies from the company concerned)

Might be worth a try.

Cheers,

Mark

[Jay Budzynski]

Not sure if this will aid in anyway http://dictionary.law.com/ yet you might find something worth while-

J

[martinwhite]

Dear all, thanks for your advice. I've come to a decision and it might be one you didn't expect.

I have decided to let it go.

This is because whilst the company in question most certainly did not front up what was promised, I did absolutely no chasing for a year until I decided to try to get my money back. The truth is, I'd given up on becoming a driving instructor and decided it wasn't for me. The hesitation that I was feeling was because I knew I was making an excuse and using their incompetence as a way of getting my money back for a decision I'd turned my back on. It was that old small, still voice speaking so quietly I could barely hear it. That was the hesitation......I knew I needed to take some responsibility for my decision and suing them would have been placing my responsibility on them.

Thanks again,

Martin

[aniinl]

Wow. Congratulations

[Tomwalked]

even though this topic is a year old... I am going through something like this.

A little different though... in that I did work and did not receive full final payment.

I heard a great bit of advice...
in conversation the friend said... "I won't work for the same money twice".