Teach me how to talk/teach/probe without being offensive

[chuatee]

Hi all

I am upset that I am viewed as negative and a kill-joy at work.

During discussions with people, I would point out the areas where the problems are and suggest that we look at these areas again. However, I don't usually have an immediate solution or example to give to show that the problem is there. Mostly, I would go, "But why would people want to go to the event just because there's a lucky draw? Our target audience might feel cheap if this is the only carrot we're dangling in front of them. We need to find a better reason for them to respond. Maybe we should rethink the idea and come up with a better one."

Do I sound cocky or arrogant or am I being harsh and putting people down? To me, I feel that I am just stating the facts (problem) and inviting everyone to see it as a problem and then we can come up with a solution that would be even better than the initial idea.

I know I am doing it wrong but I don't know how to break it to them gently.

Please help me. Even my boss thinks that I am not a team player in this way. But honest to god, I am trying to motivate the team to come up with the best solution possible. Or is it just that the rest of the team do not want to put in that extra mile and I am the one naively thinking that we're in the same direction? I get the feeling that they just want to come up with an idea, sell it to the client and not care about whether it is feasible or will do the client any good. They figured they can always 'explain' themselves afterwards. Sigh... this is so confusing to me.

Chuatee

[Jay Budzynski]

Hi Chuatee

Here's a little bit of an improvisation for you- 

There is a lot in your post that is a little tricky to answer- directly "yet" if we were to look at a few things, in a number of way's would you be willing to play along and see what we can come up with?

Let's look at the word "BUT" but is a form of negation- which if used chops anything that came before it out of being recognized as meaningful or helpful- so a good word to replace "but" it the word "yet" yet as you can read this you can follow along and as you start to find one way or another, yet still having the ability to ask way you mean yet with out stepping on toes. anther way would be to use "and/or" and as you have pointed out a number of useful ideas- that would work well, maybe we could look at a few other ideas- "and" create a bigger set of options, that we can play with "or" we can go with the ideas you have so far- and just have to come back to the table and start over again- or we can check out some of theses ideas- which will/would open up more options with fewer pit falls-

Now I "just" don't know if you know how useful the word just is- yet just for a moment could you take a few minutes just to listen to a few more options  "because"  "because" is also a magical word based on cause effect fixed patterned responses- yet I don't know how you will respond to such an idea- yet as you consider the options open to you in this reply- you can tap into- many ideas because this is one way to learn- yet just how many ways can you construct many ways- that allow you to and or make learning how to blend what you are reading here- and just making the connections you need to be able to create more flexibly- in just the right way- that allows you to make sense of what's been said.


Yet as you look at the ideas here you could find at least a few different ways of applying a more open approach yet because you will need to practice  just a little now- you can now do this in a way that allows you to have more options open to you- yet just before you get this- you can think of at least three different ways in which to present your ideas- maybe you can write them out- and suggest to your colleges to give them an over view- yet maybe you can come at it from another angle and look at what you are doing from a more playful frame of mind- yet as you consider which of the many options is opening up to you- now you can get an idea or two just to fill in the gap as a stepping stone- yet because you have a new opening to having more flexibility- if you was to present the what wad going with the given project first- and or then offer one objection- then point out a few more good points- and or then just create a stepping stone off positives then an objection- yet filling the objection in with a series of questions that allows the options of more time to fill in the missing solution- by asking questions- you are engaging your colleges and creating a connection that you may have been missing before- yet as you know just how to create options in your time now- you can now, because you have something to think about- yet and or because you can just find what works best now-   

Jay

[Tim]

Hi Chautee,

I've not been on the forums for a while so I've only just read your post.
You may have already resolved the problem by now following Jay's sound advice. However, for what it?s worth, here are my comments.

There's an NLP-based personality typing that places individuals along a number of axies. One of these if the TOWARDS ? AWAY FROM axis.
TOWARDS people are the ones who are tend to say 'Stuff it! Lets do it anyway and we'll sort out any problems as they arise'
AWAY FROM people like to anticipate any problems that may arise and work out the solutions before the start a task.
Both are equally valid and, in fact, a good team needs both kinds of people.

From your comments you sound as though you veer more towards the AWAY FROM end of the spectrum. So here?s what you can do to present that vital problem seeking capacity of yours in a more positive light.
Firstly congratulate yourself on seeing a problem that others may have overlooked. Then give yourself time to think about a possible solution before you voice your concerns. This may be as simple as 'Hey we'd better make sure it's a useful and relevant prize so that our audience don't feel it's just a cheap gimmick
By doing this you can warn your colleagues of the potential problems that you've noticed but do so in a way that sounds like a positive suggestion.

Hope this helps,

Tim.