the tip from yesterday (at least the one I got) was called:
"Creating Your Life from the Inside-Out"
here it is...
For many of the 18 years or so I have been involved in coaching and training, I have begun my sessions with variations on a simple question:
What do you want?
I would then sift through the various answers, listening for energy, aliveness, congruence, and a sense of "wow!". This is because of a simple rule of thumb I discovered early on in my work and which I have written about extensively in You Can Have What You Want - that it is easier to have what you actually want than what you think you can get.
Unfortunately, that "wow!" is rarely there on the first iteration. In seeking to understand why this is, I've come to notice that the problem is two-fold. First, you're looking for what's outside you to satisfy what's inside you; second, you're ordering off the menu instead of creating what you really, really want.
Let's take a closer look at both of these notions in turn:
1. Outside-in vs. Inside-out
Traditional models of success focus on how getting what you want on the outside will get you what you want on the inside - all you need to do to be happy and fulfilled is to do fulfilling work, achieve worthy goals, have loving relationships with people who share your values, and leave a legacy by making a positive difference in the world.
While any one of these things can be wonderful in their own right, the minute you begin relying on them to be the source of your good feelings, you become subject to the stresses and worries that most of us think of as a "normal" part of life. After all, if the source of your well-being could leave you, fire you, change, or not work out as planned, you need to be on constant guard as change is almost certainly an enemy no matter how friendly its disguise.
When you look at success from the inside-out, stress disappears and worry becomes almost non-existent because the source of your well-being is inside you - your own very human nature. You realize that you were born happy, and the worst thing that can ever happen to you is a thought - generally speaking, a thought about whatever you think is the worst thing that could ever happen to you.
In the world of happy success, things still won't always work out as you'd hoped or planned, but that just becomes a fact of life instead of a problem to be solved. And since you live in a state of being full (of life, of joy, of love and of peace), going outside yourself to "find fulfillment" loses most of its appeal.
Of course, that doesn't mean you won't still do all sorts of weird and wonderful things with your life - just that you will be using what's inside you to create things on the outside instead of doing them the other way around.
2. Ordering off the menu vs. Creating what you want
When I first ask people what they want, they generally go up into their heads to order off an invisible menu of possibilities that have been programmed and conditioned into their brains throughout their lives.
For most people, that menu is so limited that "nothing seems to inspire me" is a common complaint. This is one of the reasons that a coach can be such a huge help in moving forward - the coach generally has access to a larger menu with more choices available, consequently opening up new possibilities in the minds of their clients.
Makes sense, doesn't it?
But let's take a look at where this analogy breaks down in the real world. For starters, we'll imagine that you're out to lunch and nothing on the menu particularly appeals. Because you know you're expected to order something, you choose the tuna fish sandwich - a perfectly acceptable if slightly dull choice. Now the waiter comes along and gives you a list of the specials, and suddenly you've got a wider range of things to choose from. This time you go for the Croque Monsieur - a blend of toasted ham and cheese and mustard that has your mouth watering in a way that makes you sure that this will be the thing that will really quench your hunger.
Here's the problem...
What if you're not that hungry? And what if the sandwich turns out to not be what you thought it would be, and instead of biting into a little slice of heaven your lips purse as you chew your way through a stale and slightly soggy ham and cheese sandwich?
This is again the way life seems for so many of us - we don't know what we really want so we go for the best thing we can find, assuming that something will be better than nothing but ultimately feeling uncreative, unsatisfied, and unfulfilled by what we get.
While asking "what do you want" with intention and awareness can certainly get at the real desires lurking underneath the straitjacket of societal acceptability, an even more powerful question is this:
What would you love to create?
When we come to the table as a creator, we are no longer limited by whatever happens to be on the menu, because we know we can always go into the kitchen and cook up something wonderful of our own.
And what if instead of seeing ourselves at a cosmic restaurant we viewed our life as a blank canvas, or a musical score waiting to be written, or even a raw, unformed lump of clay? We would then be free to create absolutely anything - and if we don't like what we've created up until this point, we can always throw it away and start again.
Then the natural artistry you were born with as a child has the space to come out and play, and circumstances stop being "good" or "bad" or "right" or "wrong" but simply the raw materials for your next creation.
The reality is, you are infinitely creative - and when you take the best of what's inside you and use it to create from, things like success, abundance, loving relationships and a meaningful legacy stop being goals to be pursued but rather become the natural fruits of your creation.
Today's Experiment: 1. Draw a box with 9 squares inside it (Like a tic-tac-toe array). Inside each square, write the name of an important area of your life. (ex...career, family, community, fun... etc)
2. For each area, ask yourself what you would love to create over the next year or beyond.
Family - With my family, I would love to create an atmosphere of love and laughter, a space of acceptance and learning, and relationships based on clear agreements and enjoying each other's company
Career - With my career, I would love to create a "results-only work environment" where I'm free to work on a completely flexible schedule that allows me to do the work when I really want to and when I'm at my best.
Spirituality - In the area of spirituality, I would love to create a personal relationship with God based on a deep sense of connection and communion, and to see that relationship reflected in the way I relate to the people in every area of my life
3. If you're still feeling less than inspired by what you are beginning to create, here are a few additional questions designed to turn up the volume on the voice of creation within, including:
* What would be even better than that?
* If that were an 8, what would be a 9? A 10?
* What would you love to create that brings a big grin to your face when you think about it (and that grin would get even bigger if you actually created it)?
* What would you love to create that would make you go "wow!"
Have fun, learn heaps, and happy creating!
PS - Would you like to create the life of your dreams in 2009 with the personal assistance of Paul McKenna and Michael Neill?
In April, 2009, they will be offering FIFTEEN PEOPLE ONLY the opportunity to spend three days with them in Beverly Hills, California where their full attention will be on YOU and creating the life you most want to live.
To learn more about this once in a lifetime opportunity, please contact Simon Slater at firstname.lastname@example.org
Chat about this tip and more with fellow geniuses on the Genius Catalyst Discussion Forum!
Copyright ? 2008 Michael Neill. All Rights Reserved
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>I really really hope posting this here doesn't violate these copyright laws...
if so... please don't tell Michael I did this... I hear he can be a real bear!
or, I guess he could remove it, and we could still be friends...