My new US book cover is complete! Check out http://twitpic.com/bzwec

Wellbeing is. You can hide it under a hundred misused beliefs, but it is still here now, waiting to pounce and overwhelm you in any moment.

Thursday, July 30th at Noon Pacific/3pm Eastern/8pm UK

The Secrets to Successful Living w/Dr. Richard Bandler

Richard Bandler is the co-developer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and one of the true masters of personal change alive today. He’s brilliant, fascinating, and also happens to be one of the funniest people you will ever listen to!

Could you let it be simple? Could you let it be fun?

To get coaching and speak with me live on air, phone:

Inside the US (Toll free)
1-866-254-1579

From the UK/Outside the US
001-760-918-4300

Did you miss last week’s show How Simple Can It Be?? For a limited time you can listen to it here.

(Today’s tip is reprinted in a slightly adapted format from my book Feel Happy Now!, a guide to controlling stress, overcoming anxiety and defeating depression…)

Our nervous systems are conditioned to create stability but to notice change. This is a part of our tremendous adaptability as human beings and frees up our conscious attention to be able to notice difference..

As a part of his ongoing innovation in the art and science of personal change, Dr. Richard Bandler has developed a simple technique called “spinning,” which makes use of this natural functioning of the nervous system to reduce bad feelings and amplify good ones.

Here’s an abbreviated transcript of how I used it with a caller on my radio show who wanted to feel less fear and more happiness in her life:

Me: Where do you feel anxiety in your body?

Caller: Everywhere I guess. I just feel scared and I don’t know what I’m scared of.

Me: I’m not so worried about what you’re scared of – do you feel any fear in your body right now.

C: No, not right now.

Me: Could you scare yourself just a little bit? Go on, think about the future… can you bring up just a little bit of fear right now?

C: Yes.

Me: Where in your body does it start – where are you first aware of it?

C: I think in my head.

Me: And where does it go?

C: Down my back.

Me: Great. Now in order for you to continue experiencing the feeling, it has to keep moving. So if it starts in your head and goes down your back, where does it go next? Back up to the top of your head?

C: It comes back to my chest.

Me: Okay, and does it spin towards you or away from you?

C: Toward me.

Me: Toward you – great. Now here’s what I’m going to ask you to do: I want you to imagine that you’re pulling the spinning fear out of your body so you can see it in front of you. You can see it spinning towards you but it’s all happening in front of your body right now.

C: Okay.

Me: Now, I want you to turn it upside down so now it’s spinning the other way – it’s spinning away from you.

C: Right.

Me: What’s your favorite color?

C: Um… pink.

Me: Okay, I want you to make it pink. So it’s pink and it’s spinning away from you and I want you to put it right back inside your body. Bring it back inside your body so you can feel it spinning down through your chest and up your back, up to the top of your head and back down your chest and it’s spinning away from you and it’s a lovely pink color. How does that feel?

C: (surprised and laughing a bit) It feels great!

Me: Okay, so now I want you to spin it faster and faster… how does it feel the faster you spin it?

C: (with great sincerity) It feels great…

Me: And I want you to take that great feeling and let it spread from the top of your head down to the tips of your toes, right out to the edges of your fingertips, and the more you spin the feeling, the easier it will be for you to have this feeling anytime you want just by taking control of it – because it’s not just a feeling, it’s your feeling…

There are so many theories about “why we feel this” or “why we feel that”, but sometimes if what we want to do is feel better, the simplest thing to do is just step right back into your body and take control.

Here’s how you can begin to play with this technique for yourself…

1. Think about something that makes you feel angry, sad or fearful.

2. Observe where in your body the feeling starts. Where’s the very first place that you’re aware of feeling that way?

3. Now, notice where the feeling moves to next. Does it go up, down, left, right or in some other direction? (In order for you to feel a feeling it must be moving;otherwise the nerves habituate and you won’t feel them any more!)

4. When you’ve identified where the feeling begins and where it moves to, notice which direction it’s spinning in. If it doesn’t feel as though it’s spinning, ask yourself which way it would be spinning if it were. This could be toward you or away from you on a vertical, horizontal or even diagonal plane.)

5. Next, imagine pulling the feeling out of your body so it continues to spin in front of you. Turn it upside down so that it’s now spinning in the opposite direction. If you like, imagine it being your favorite color.

6. Now, pull the ‘new and improved’ feeling back into your body, continuing to spin it in the new direction. The faster you spin it, the better it will feel.

7. Anytime you begin to feel the old feeling, you can simply reverse the direction of the spin and take control!

You can use this same technique to amplify a good feeling – simply notice the direction of the spin, add some color, make it bigger and spin it faster.

Have fun, learn heaps, and let the good times roll! (Or at the very least let the good feelings spin… :-)

“one of the best michael_neill follow him on twitter to learn loads – I always learn from Michael”

- posted this week by a follower ;)

Thursday, July 23rd at Noon Pacific/3pm Eastern/8pm UK

How Simple Can it Be?

The game of life is often thought of as incredibly complex, filled as it is with an almost infinite number of choices, variations and possibilities. But what if you could cut through the noise in the system and see straight through to the heart of the matter?

Could you let it be simple? Could you let it be fun?

To get coaching and speak with me live on air, phone:

Inside the US (Toll free)
1-866-254-1579

From the UK/Outside the US
001-760-918-4300

You can listen to the show this and every Thursday – simply go to hayhouseradio.com at Noon pacific/8pm UK and click on the button marked “Listen Now”.

Did you miss last week’s show on Delayed Gratification Made Fun?
For a limited time you can listen to it here. You can also download and listen to any of my shows at any time as part of your subscription to the new and improved Solutions Café – click here for details!

Last weekend I traveled up to Carmel-by-sea on the northern coast of California for a 2 day course from supercoach Fred Shoemaker and the brilliant staff at the school for Extraordinary Golf.

While there, I had an insight into a simple distinction that has profound implications that reach way beyond my golf game and into the realm of how we pursue our goals and how we live our lives.

The distinction, as you have probably figured out from the title of today’s tip, is between awareness – our ability to notice what is actually going on as it is going on – and instruction – our ability to give ourselves instruction and guidance into how to do whatever it is we are doing.

To better understand this distinction, let’s use the analogy of a GPS navigation system in a car. The way the system is designed, you program in your desired destination and then, based on continual feedback from a satellite that lets the system know exactly where you are at any given moment, the GPS will guide you in what to do next.

If you ignore or override the route guidance, the GPS will simply recalculate and give you the best next step from wherever it is you are now.

On the other hand, if you are trying to navigate your way by following a set of written instructions, your chances of successfully getting to your destination are limited by both the accuracy of the instructions and your ability to follow them to the letter.

If you get off course or come up against any unplanned obstacles, traffic or roadblocks, the original instructions become useless.

What makes the GPS so much more effective as a navigation system is it’s real time responsiveness – it’s ability to make in the moment adjustments that take into account the reality of where you are, how fast you are going and any unexpected changes in the environment through which you are traveling.

This real time responsiveness is a function of the system’s ability to be aware of what is actually happening and make in the moment adjustments to your course.

As human beings, our internal guidance systems have the same “built-in functionality” if we choose to use them as designed. If you simply program in a clear destination (goal) and maintain an ongoing awareness of where you are in any given moment in relation to that goal, the next step will become readily apparent and at times even glaringly obvious.

Continue taking those next steps while maintaining awareness of the process and your arrival at your destination is virtually assured.

Let’s contrast this with the instructional approach, filled as it is with rules and regulations, right ways and wrong ways, and often conflicting pieces of guidance.

After all, is the way to get rich to find out what other people want and give it to them or to figure out what you want to give and find other people who want it?

Is the secret of a loving relationship to be willing to sacrifice and compromise for the other person’s happiness, or to be completely authentic and hold out for a person who will accept you exactly as you are?

Is the secret to a thin and healthy body a low-carb diet, eating whatever you want whenever you want as long as you’re hungry (and stopping when you’re full), or never eating after 6pm?

Now, chances are you have an opinion about which of the above approaches are most likely to work for you or that you have a completely different set of instructions in your head for what it will take to reach your goals.

For most people, the instructions in their head for what it will take to achieve their goals involve doing a number of things they don’t really want to do, and in so doing conflict with the instructions in their head for what it takes to live a happy life, things like “going with the flow” and “following your bliss”.

And therein lies the real problem with trying to find the right set of instructions for how to reach your goals or live your life:

When you put your attention on and energy into
trying to find the right way to do something or the right way to live,
you have very little attention or energy left to actually do it or live it.
What if you let it be simpler than that?

What if you simply declared what it is you want to have, do, be or create in your life and then put your attention and energy into the process – whatever it is you are actually doing, moment by moment?

In You Can Have What You Want I shared the following story of how the awareness-based approach can be used to solve even the most ethical and moral of dilemmas:

William Penn was a 17th-century British nobleman who accepted the land that became the state of Pennsylvania as payment for debts incurred to his family by Charles II.

At the age of 22, Penn became a Quaker and was immediately faced with a pofound dilemma. As the scion of a proud aristocratic family, it was unheard of (not to mention potentially dangerous) to walk around without a sword. Yet if he was to adhere to the letter and spirit of Quaker teachings, carrying a sword was bordering on blasphemy.

Young Will took this quandary to a Quaker elder, who gave him the following advice:

“Wear your sword with full awareness for as long as you can. When you can’t wear it anymore, stop.”
The elder knew that by encouraging the young aristocrat to bring full consciousness to the problem, it would resolve itself in the most natural way possible.

And therein lies the key to this distinction. We do not need to become obsessive about finding the “right” instructions for life, because as Fred Shoemaker says in his book Extraordinary Golf: The Art of the Possible:

Awareness itself is curative.

When we simply maintain a gentle mindfulness of the process, our internal GPS system will keep us on course for whatever direction we have chosen to take and whatever destination we have chosen to aim for.

Have fun, learn heaps, and may all your success be fun!

If so, check out Steve Chandler’s online community, Club Fearless. You’ll find a ton of downloadable resources and you’ll also receive Steve’s newest book, latest updates and monthly CD’s as a part of your membership.

Click here to join…

Thursday, July 16th at Noon Pacific/3pm Eastern/8pm UK

Delayed Gratification Made Fun

The ability to delay gratification has been scientifically shown to enable better relationships, higher income, and greater success at whatever it is you choose to do – yet when was the last time you thought to yourself “Oh, goody, I get to wait until later to have this treat!”

Join me for lunch (or tea or dinner!) this Thursday as we explore what it takes to make delaying gratification fun and what it means for your finances, health and more.

For coaching in any area of your life during the show, phone:

Inside the US (Toll free)
1-866-254-1579

From the UK/Outside the US
001-760-918-4300

Did you miss last week’s show The Four Happinesses? For a limited time you can listen to it here.

Around the time that Charlie Sheen was starring in the movie Platoon, I read an interview where he said that his accountant had put him on a budget of $1000 a day. While he apparently struggled to stay within his limits, I remember thinking what a phenomenal amount of money that would be if I could really spend it on whatever I wanted.

Recently, it occurred to me that we are all a little bit more like Charlie Sheen than we might like to imagine (no offense to Charlie!), in that:

Every single day day we are given approximately a thousand minutes to spend on whatever we want.
(This is based on the fact that there are 1,440 minutes in a day, 420 to 480 of which we tend to spend sleeping.)

In fact, the main difference that I can find between having a thousand dollars a day or a thousand minutes a day to spend is that unlike money:

You can always only spend ONE minute at a time.
Here are a few thoughts on how to make the most of your minutes:

1. Don’t save – spend!

Unlike money (and some cellphone plans), you don’t get to save up the unused minutes from today to spend tomorrow. So rather than spend too many minutes trying to save time, spend just enough minutes planning to ensure you spend the rest of today’s time wisely.

2. Balance consumption with production

Our time is always spent engaged in one of three ways:

• Active input, or consumption – reading, watching TV, listening to music or information, being entertained
• Active output, or production – working, exercising, speaking, selling, writing, creating
• Passive input/output – resting, meditating, being

While some days will inevitably be more about taking stuff in then getting stuff out (or vice-versa), cultivating a balance will keep your energy and enthusiasm for life in a state of easy flow.

3. Give some away to others

While pretty much everybody you meet today will have started with a similar “time balance” as you, there are days where all of us need a little extra support. Here’s a simple rule of thumb:

Every minute you spend making a difference in the life of another human being comes back to you multiplied!

4. Don’t spend it all in one place

Variety isn’t just the spice of life – according to Dr. Greg Berns it’s a prerequisite for fulfillment, growth and a sense of true satisfaction. Consider spending some of your minutes today on something you’ve never done before – going somewhere you’ve never gone, reading something you’ve never read, or even talking with someone you would never normally talk with.

Surprise yourself – it’s one of the easiest ways there is to have fun and learn heaps!

5. Make each minute more valuable

As you probably already know from your own experience, all minutes are not created equal. But what is not so obvious is that what we get back from each minute we spend is not so much a function of where, what, or who we spend it on but rather of how we spend it.

A theater director I once worked with asked the company if they would prefer to have “tentative sex” or “fully engaged sex”. While “fully engaged” was the unanimous answer, he pointed out that unless you are used to fully engaging in any moment with whatever you are doing, it can be difficult to turn it on or off.

So that’s today’s experiment – to spend your minutes today in a committed fashion, as if each one was being spent on the most important, valuable thing you could possibly be doing with your time. Dance like there’s nobody watching, work like you don’t need the money, and live as if your life depended on it!