The Worrying thing about Worry

Do you worry too much? Do you worry that you don’t worry enough? Join me live this week for a fun exploration of how you can worry less and enjoy life more!

To reach me live on air:

Inside the US (Toll free)
1-866-254-1579

From the UK/Outside the US
001-760-918-4300

You can listen to the show this and every Thursday – simply go to hayhouseradio.com at Noon pacific/8pm UK and click on the button marked “Listen Now”.

Did you miss our most recent show on Enough? For a limited time you can listen to it here. You can also download and listen to any of my shows at any time as part of your subscription to the new and improved Solutions Café – click here for details!

You can now listen to the show from your iPhone!
Simply go to the Apps Store to download your free Hay House Radio App and within minutes you’ll be able to listen to great shows from Wayne Dyer, Cheryl Richardson, and of course, me!

Traditional coaching takes place primarily on a horizontal dimension – coaches assist their clients in getting from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’. Yet lasting, sustainable change nearly always happens in the vertical dimension – a deepening of the ground of being of the client and greater access to inspiration and spiritual wisdom. While this has generally led to an either/or approach to success and personal growth and a sharp division between therapy and coaching, transformative coaching – or, as I like to call it, ‘supercoaching’ – uses the vertical dimensions to create change on the inside while you continue to move forward towards your goals on the outside.

The kinds of ‘vertical’ changes that transformative coaching leads to can be usefully viewed on three levels…

Level I: Change in a Specific Situation

Often people will hire a coach (or go to a counselor or therapist or friend) to get help with a specific situation they are struggling with. They may want to deal with a difficult person at work, succeed at an important negotiation or job interview, or stay motivated as they train to beat their personal best at a sporting event.

This kind of ‘performance coaching’ has long been a staple of the industry, and long before ‘life coaching’ and ‘executive coaching’ became common terms, people were using coaches in this capacity to help change their point of view, state of mind or actions. At this level, people go from fear to confidence, from unease to comfort, or from inaction to action.

The impact of this kind of coaching is generally project specific. Once the difficult person has been handled, the interview completed and the race run, the person gets on with the rest of their life in much the same way as they did before.

Level II: Change in a Specific Life Area

Sometimes, we’re less concerned with a specific event than we are with a whole category of events. This is why you will find coaches specializing in any number of life areas: relationship coaches, sales coaches, parenting coaches, confidence coaches, presentation coaches – the list goes on and on. People hire these coaches to help them develop their confidence and increase their skills in whatever area they may be having difficulty. Like a performance coach, these coaches will help with specific situations, but they tend to measure their impact not just by how one situation changes but by how their whole category of situation changes.

Level III: Global Change

The ultimate level of change is transformation, or what I sometimes call ‘global change’ – a pervasive shift in our way of being in the world. At this level, it is not enough for us to develop a skill or change a feeling. It is our intangible ‘selves’ we want to change, and in so doing we change our experience of everything.

Each of the three levels maps across to a certain kind of intervention. When we want to make a change in the moment or in a specific situation, we apply a technique. When we want to make a change in a broader context, we work with installing new strategies. But when we want to actually change lives, we need more than just strategies or techniques, we need a whole new paradigm or perspective – a new way of seeing.

So which level of change is best?

It depends. While level III changes will ultimately make the biggest difference in people’s lives, sometimes a smaller difference is all that’s called for. For example, people heavily into the personal development movement sometimes get fixated on finding level III solutions for level I problems – they’ve got a headache, but instead of taking an aspirin they want to analyze the beliefs and lifestyle changes they need to make to become the kind of person who doesn’t get headaches. It’s not a bad idea, but it’s a lot easier to do when your head’s not hurting!

With love,

PS – Supercoach Academy 2011 is shaping up….



Robert Holden, Paul McKenna, Iyanla Vanzant, Serge Kahili King, Srikumar S. Rao and Genpo Roshi are now confirmed as live and virtual faculty members for Supercoach Academy 2011!

They’ll be joining me alongside Steve Chandler, Bill Cumming, Mandy Evans, Gay Hendricks, Kathlyn Hendricks, Jennifer Louden, and George Pransky in leading the ultimate coach training program in Los Angeles next year.

Over half the places are already booked for this program, so if you’re looking to make your living by making a difference in the world, or simply to transform your life by learning to transform the lives of others, visit supercoachacademy.com to reserve your place and learn more!

When I ask people what holds them back from living the life of their dreams, the number one answer they give me is money, or more specifically the lack of it in their lives. And given that on average, we spend at least a third of our time each day in an attempt to collect money, money’s place in our overall vision for our lives would seem pretty crucial.

Yet most people still think of money as at best a ‘necessary evil’ or at worst, something which ‘those that have’ use to keep down those that haven’t. And as with any other area of our lives, it’s our unexamined and unquestioned assumptions about money that have the most significant impact on how we relate to it.

I personally believe a large part of why my clients and I are consistently able to increase not only our income but also the pleasure, satisfaction and meaning we get from money comes about as a result of consistently challenging those assumptions. We do this by asking and answering questions which reveal not only what we are believing about money but also why we are believing it.

Here are seven fun and powerful questions designed to give you a sense of how money and your ultimate life vision are interconnected.

Let’s start with some biggies:

1. What would you do if you won the lottery?

2. If all jobs paid the same, what would you choose to do?

3. If you were given a million dollars and you had to use it all up in a month, how would you spend it?

I like questions like these; they inspire powerful fantasies and can help clarify your fondest desires. Trouble is, they’re a bit impractical – you haven’t won the lottery, all jobs don’t pay the same, and statistically speaking, you’re more likely to be kicked to death by a goat than given a million dollars.

So now, let’s ask ourselves some questions a bit ‘closer to home’…

4. What role does money currently play in your life? What role would you like it play?

5. If wanting more money was a way to compensate for something you feel is lacking in yourself, what would it be compensating for?

6. What have you made more important than having money in your life? What have you made less important?

7. On a scale from 1 – 10, how much do you enjoy the whole subject of money? What is at least one thing you could do right now to up your enjoyment?

While each of these questions will assist you in making powerful shifts in the area of money, perhaps the most fundamental shift in my own thinking came about as the result of asking myself an eighth question:

Is making money a worthy goal?
The reason this question seemed so fundamental to me was that if making money was a worthy goal, I wasn’t putting nearly enough time, focus and energy into it; if making money wasn’t a worthy goal, I was spending far too much time, focus, and energy on it.

In NLP, we make a distinction between sensory based language (about what you can see, hear, taste, touch, or smell) and vague language, affectionately referred to as ‘fluff’. While good fluff has its place (most summer beach reading comes easily to mind), it is decidedly un-useful in making useful decisions. The simple truth of the matter is, vague questions lead to vague answers.

The way to de-fluff language is by seeking to recover any key bits of information that have been left out, distorted, or generalised. When I applied this idea to my original question, the ‘real’ question was revealed:

Is making (How much money? In what time frame? For what purpose?) a worthy goal?
Initially, I filled in the blanks like this:

Is doing whatever it takes to make as much money as possible in order to guarantee I never need to worry about money again a worthy goal?

For me the answer to this question was a firm ‘no’. While never needing to worry about money again seemed a worthy enough goal to me, I also realized from my work coaching millionaires that it is rarely achieved by attaining a certain quantity of money, no matter how large.

Similarly, while ‘Do whatever it takes!’ sounds great coming out of the mouth of a motivational speaker or underneath a framed photo of a spectacular athletic achievement, it loses much of its magic if you imagine it coming out of the mouth of your least favourite dictator or under a picture of a village destroyed by war, famine or poverty.

Next, I filled in the blanks like this:

Is making enough money this year from work I love and want to do in order to cover all our expenses, save 10%, give away 10%, make some home improvements and cover our tax bill a worthy goal?

This time, the answer was equally obvious – an unquestionable yes. Just for fun, I filled in the blanks a third time:

Is making enough money over the next ten to fifteen years from work I love and want to do in order to look after my family, put my kids through university, create financial independence and give away over a million dollars to charities and related causes a worthy goal?

Now, my answer was not only a resounding ‘yes’ but my brain began overflowing with creative ideas for creating and exchanging value in the world. Once again I had found my ‘wow!’ – my unique blueprint for success. And as money began to flow into my life at unprecedented levels, I realized once again that there is something almost magical that happens when you give yourself permission to really want what you want – even money!

From theory to practice…

A Worthy Goal

1. Do you consider making money a worthy goal for you? If you’re not 100% clear on your answer, fill in the blanks for yourself until you get an unmistakable ‘yes’:

‘Is making (how much money in what time frame for what purpose?) a worthy goal?’

2. When you have found the amount of money, time frame and purpose that makes making money an undeniably worthy goal for you, go for it!

With love,

PS – Financially Fearless Live in the UK Sunday September 26th…

“Since using Michael’s approach to create inner and outer success, I have become happier in myself, more successful, and I have simply made a lot more money!” – Paul McKenna

I’ve developed this exclusive one-day workshop to teach an approach to success that’s all about making money fun. Wherever you’re at right now, the program will help you move forward and re-create your financial life from the inside-out. This is not a investment system or a program about financial advice. Instead, we will work towards eliminating money fear so that the game of money becomes easier and more enjoyable, whatever it is you choose to do!

For more information and to register, click here.

I am thrilled to announce that Robert Holden, Paul McKenna, Iyanla Vanzant, Serge Kahili King, Srikumar S. Rao and Genpo Roshi are now confirmed as live and virtual faculty members for Supercoach Academy 2011!

They’ll be joining me alongside Steve Chandler, Bill Cumming, Mandy Evans, Gay Hendricks, Kathlyn Hendricks, Jennifer Louden, and George Pransky in leading the ultimate coach training program in Los Angeles next year.

Over half the places are already booked for this program, so if you’re looking to make your living by making a difference in the world, or simply to transform your life by learning to transform the lives of others, visit supercoachacademy.com to reserve your place and learn more!

If learning is the key to success, than accelerating your learning will accelerate your journey to personal and professional success.  Here are five of my favourite “mini-tips” -fun(da)mental assumptions for making learning how to succeed fast, easy, and fun…

1. All learning is state-dependent
The ability to enter and lock-in to empowered states is the key to effective learning.  We all know people (yes, you!) behave differently when they are happy than when they are miserable.  What we sometimes forget is that our mood also has a powerful effect on our ability to recall and make use of what we already know.

Mini-Experiment:
The next time you’re mad at someone (partner, friend, colleague, etc.), take note of the number of happy memories you can conjure up of good times you’ve spent together.  Then, the next time you’re feeling great, try again and notice the difference.

When you can begin to remember that the reason people around you seem utterly incompetent/rude/unloving is as much a function of your mood as it is a genuine measure of their competence/politesse/love, you’ll find a greater balance in your relationships almost immediately.

2. There are no stupid people, only stupid states
If our mood determines which bits of our brain we can access, and therefore how “smart” we are in any given moment, then learning to choose your mood (emotional state) is perhaps the critical skill for effective self-management.

Mini-experiment:
Think of a subject that invariably makes you feel stupid or incompetent (or for all you positive thinkers out there, “less than optimally resourceful” :-) Resolve that from now on, you will only approach that subject when you are feeling resource-full (confident, loving, playful, laughing, etc.)

(As an example, I learned to drive in England while listening to old Goon Show comedy tapes; I have a friend who overcame her maths phobia by only studying algebra while eating chocolate!)

3. Failure is a prerequisite for success

“If people learned to walk and talk the way they’re taught to read and write,
everybody would limp and stutter.”
-Mark Twain
“Failure” is a requisite part of the learning process, not the end of the learning process. In fact, people don’t fail – strategies, tactics, and plans fail. What do you do if your strategy, tactic, or plan fails to produce the desired result? Change your strategy, tactic, or plan until you find one that succeeds!

Mini-experiment:
Fear of failure is a potent de-motivator, but it loses its power over us if we lessen its emotional “charge”. This week, choose an area of your life where you’re having difficulty and “fail” at least ten times.  You’ll have to define failure for yourself – if you’re in sales this might mean collecting at least ten rejections; if you’re learning to ride a bike, make sure you fall off at least ten times.

Once you realise that failure is not an end, but rather an occasionally frustrating stepping stone, it loses its negative charge and becomes an essential companion on your journey to happiness, success, and well-being.

4. The map is not the territory

“One of life’s most fulfilling moments occurs in that split second when the familiar is suddenly transformed into the dazzling aura of the profoundly new.”
-Edward B. Lindaman |
If you’ve ever ordered something in a restaurant that sounded great on the menu but tasted nothing like its description, you already understand that we do not perceive reality directly. We make re-presentations, or “maps” of reality in our mind, (mmm…yum….hot fudge sundae, anyone?) and then we act and operate based on those maps.

What’s the difference between walking a 2′ wide iron girder on the ground and 500 feet in the sky? The difference is in you – what you focus on and how you use your body while you’re on it. Because almost all of our limitations are to be found in our mental maps, not in the “territory” they describe, profound change can often happen in an instant, and problems dis-solve long before they could ever have been solved by conventional thinking.

Mini-experiment (based on Nancy Kline’s Time to Think):

“The human mind works best when it can hear itself.”
-Nancy Kline
a. Choose an outcome – something you would like to achieve, be, do, or have

ex. Learning to build a website

b. Ask yourself, “What might I be assuming that is preventing me from achieving this?”  If your assumptions seem  based in fact, ask “What might I be assuming about that which stops me?”

ex. This is too hard for me, I’m not very good with computers, I’m too stupid to do this, etc.

c. What, for you, is the positive opposite of your most significant assumption?

ex. If your limiting assumption is “I’m too stupid to do this”, the positive opposite could be “I’m smart enough to do this”, “I can handle this easily”, “I can learn how to do anything”,or whatever it is for you.

d. Ask yourself the following “incisive question”:
“If I knew for a fact that (opposite of limiting assumption) was true, what would I do to achieve (your outcome)?”

ex. If I knew for a fact that I can learn how to do anything, what would I do to learn how to build a website?

e. Continue to ask and answer your incisive question until you have exhausted the possibilities.  Then ask three more times!

ex. If I knew for a fact that I can learn how to do anything, I would ask my friend John for a tutorial, I would check out websites I like and e-mail them for advice, I would be patient with myself, etc.)

5. Over time, the map becomes the territory

“Reality checks will no longer be accepted due to insufficient funds.”

Unlike road maps, which must accurately reflect the territory they describe in order to be of use, mental maps actually re-create the territory they describe.  Since our beliefs and assumptions invariably act as self-fulfilling prophecies, we do not need to believe in what “is”, but rather in what it is we would like to create.  This is one of the core tenets of Hawaiian Shamanism – that we can change our experience of the world (and ultimately the world itself) by changing our assumptions about the world.

Have fun, learn heaps, and if you knew for a fact that the map is not the territory, but that over time, it becomes the territory, what would you do to live the life of your dreams?

With love,

PS – Supercoach Academy 2011 is coming to Los Angeles next January…

If you’re looking to make your living by making a difference in the world, or simply to transform your life by learning to transform the lives of others, visit www.supercoachacademy.com to book your place and learn more!

Steve Chandler, Bill Cumming, Mandy Evans, Gay Hendricks, Kathlyn Hendricks, Jennifer Louden, and George Pransky are confirmed as members of our live and virtual faculty, and there are more announcements to come over the next few weeks and months.

Want to have fun and learn heaps training to become a Certified Transformative Coach™? Click here!

The word ‘savor’ comes from the Latin ‘sapere’, which means both ‘to taste” and ‘to be wise.’ As it is commonly used today, to savor something is to indulge in it – to taste it slowly and appreciate it deeply.

As described by Martin Seligman in his excellent book Authentic Happiness, there are essentially four kinds of savoring:

1. Basking - receiving praise and congratulations

2. Thanksgiving – expressing gratitude for blessings

3. Marveling - losing the self in the wonder of the moment

4. Luxuriating - indulging the senses

In their work with thousands of undergraduates, Professors Joseph Veroff and Fred Bryant have further developed a series of techniques to promote ‘life savoring’. As I could find no published record of their research save the mention in Authentic Happiness, the descriptions which follow each technique are my own, for better and for worse…

1. Sharing with Others

When we find something we truly enjoy, one of the first impulses we have is to share it with others. Whether it’s a book, movie, website, or restaurant, we magnify our own experience of pleasure as we describe it to someone else. Here’s an eclectic list of some of the experiences my family and I have savored, both recently and through the years:

• Shopping at Costco
• Banking with First Direct (UK)
• Seeing the movie version of Pirates of the Carribean
• Reading The Chronicles of Narnia
• Peanut Butter and Bacon sandwiches (have to be tried to be believed :-)
• Going to Myrtos beach on the island of Cephalonia

One of the reasons clubs and special interest groups are so popular is that by surrounding ourselves with people who share our hobbies and passions, we create a safe haven within which we can indulge and savor those things we love.

2. Memory-Building

Over the past 4 days, my son Oliver and I have been camping in Sequoia National Park. As we recounted our adventures to my wife, we relived each incident we described in vivid detail, from seeing the world’s tallest tree to braving the depths of the Crystal Cavern. By the time we were done sharing our stories, our own experience of the trip had deepened and our memories of the trip had become richer.

This is one of the reasons why souvenirs and photographs hold such a fascination for us – they serve as tangible reminders of the special, sacred times in our lives. It’s also the reason why viewing someone else’s holiday photos can be such a nightmare – without the memories attached, those precious photos become little more than pretty (and sometimes not so pretty :-) pictures.

3. Self-Congratulation

For most of us, publicly acknowledging our strengths, achievements, and positive qualities is one of the most awkward and embarrassing things we are ever asked to do. Fortunately or unfortunately, we are rarely if ever asked to do it.

One of my favorite stories in this regard was told of a football player from the midwestern United States who was known for his modesty and humility. When he was called as a witness in a local civil trial, the player took the stand. After taking the oath ‘to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me God’, the player was asked a few preliminary questions…

“Are you a football player?”

“Yes sir, I am.”

“Are you any good?”

The player paused and looked uncomfortably around the room.

“I’m amazing, sir. Probably the best in the country.”

Everyone in the room laughed.

After the trial, the local football coach told the player how surprised he was at his boastfulness.

“What could I do, coach?”, the player replied sadly. “I was under oath!”

If we can step outside the cultural injunction to ‘know our place’ long enough to allow ourselves to really feel pride in who we are and what we do, we awaken the magnificence that Marianne Williamson speaks of in her now famous writing on ‘Our Deepest Fear’:

4. Sharpening Perceptions

As a kid, one of my favorite comic book super heroes was ‘Daredevil’, whose blindness engendered a superhuman sense of hearing, taste, touch, and smell. For years, martial arts and the military have made use of partial sensory-deprivation as a training tool, sharpening the perceptions of the trainee by artificially depriving them of one or more of their usual senses. If you’ve ever closed your eyes while listening to beautiful music or savoring delicious food, you were using this same tool to sharpen your perceptions and deepen your experience of whatever it is you were doing.

5. Absorption

While one of the major symptoms of depression is self-absorption, one of the consistent factors present in optimal flow experiences is ‘other-absorption’ – the ability to lose all sense of time and become totally absorbed in the object or task at hand. If you’ve ever looked up at the clock while working on your favorite hobby and realized you forgot to eat lunch, or been startled out of a delicious conversation by the sound of the morning lark, you know the experience of positive absorption.

This is the exact opposite of ‘driver trance’, where you suddenly look up and marvel at the fact that you’re a) still driving and b) still alive! Rather than getting lost in our thoughts, savoring invites us to lose ourselves in whatever it is that we’re doing.

Today’s Experiment:

1. Make a list of at least 10 of your favorite things to see and do. Share the list with as many people as possible over the course of the week and notice what happens to your experience.

2. Take some time to dig out an old photo album or scrap book that you haven’t looked at for a long time. Really give yourself time to savor the memories attached to each photograph, souvenir, or clipping.

3. For two minutes, write down every answer you can think of to the question, “What’s good about me?” If that’s easy for you to do, (or if you’re up for a real challenge!), share your answers with at least five people this week.

4. Choose an activity where it feels safe to really indulge your senses. If you like, engage in some partial sensory deprivation – wear earplugs as you walk through an art gallery; have a friend blindfold you and prepare you a sensuous feast. (Let’s face it – this had better be a VERY good friend… :-)

5. The next time you are doing something which you enjoy, allow yourself to get totally immersed in the activity. To the best of your ability, don’t think about what you’re doing, just do it. Fully inhabit your body. Let go of any baggage you may be carrying about what’s just happened or what’s coming next. To paraphrase Cheri Huber, don’t just fall, dive!

Have fun, learn heaps, and take the time to give yourself a real life savor…

With love,

PS – Experience the three levels of coaching and more…

Get a taste of transformative “supercoaching” in action in Hertfordshire, UK this September – for more information and to register, click here.

Reach into your purse or pocket and pull out some paper money – dollars, pounds, krona, yen, whatever you’ve got to hand…

Now try the following mini-experiment…

Wave the money rapidly back and forth, like a fan. (If you’ve been reading these tips for a while, you’re no doubt already used to the rest of the office/freeway/civilised world staring strangely at you – if not, you might want to save this for later!) Look at the money and tell yourself “it’s just a piece of paper.”

Next, think of something you want that the money in your hand could help you get – lunch, a new CD, clothes, world peace, whatever appeals to you. Continue to look at the money as you think about what it is that you want.

Now, imagine that the money you hold in your hand is all that’s between you and being absolutely broke.

Finally, wave the money back and forth rapidly, telling yourself once again that “it’s just a piece of paper.”

What is it that gives money its emotional power? One answer is that we do. And one way we do it is by giving those pieces of metal or paper, or even numbers on a piece of paper, MEANING.

Sometimes we do this literally, as in “this paycheck = my phone bill” or “this $10 bill = lunch”, so if we lose the $10 bill, in our minds, we’ve just lost our lunch.

Often, the meaning is even more metaphoric. “Money is freedom of choice” or “money is love made visible” or even “money is the root of all evil.”

By heightening our awareness of our beliefs about money, we can begin to make sense of many of our emotions and behaviors when dealing with it, and by changing them, we can transform the emotional impact of money in our lives. After all, would you rather work half your life for freedom of choice or for the root of all evil?

Today’s Experiment:

1. Take a few minutes to complete the following sentences in as many different ways as you can. Aim for at least six completions per “sentence starter”.

Money is….
Money is like…
Making money is…
Making money is like…
Spending money is…
Spending money is like…

2. Go back through your list and make a note of any beliefs or metaphors that impact you emotionally, either positively or negatively.

3. For each “impact statement”, have fun exploring the implications of acting as if that belief or metaphor was 100% true. If you like, you can use these questions to get you started:

a. If someone really believed this was true, how would they probably act?
b. What would be important to them?
c. What kind of decisions would they make?
d. How emotional an issue would money be for them?
e. What kinds of emotions would they tend to attach to money?

Example: “Money is a tool”
If money is a tool, the ideal would be to keep it handy and use it often. Your skill in using it would make a tremendous difference. When you wanted something, you would look through your toolbox, only pulling out money when it seemed the best tool for the job. (You might use a screwdriver more than any other tool in your box, but it’s a lousy way to bang in a nail, i.e., money can’t buy you love.) Caring for your tools is important, and it’s a poor workman who blames his tools. Most people won’t lend out their tools, and almost any tool can be replaced.

4. Finally, choose an empowering money belief or metaphor to play with today. Leave yourself notes and reminders to act as if the belief you’ve chosen is 100% true, and allow your unconscious mind to adjust your experience accordingly.

Have fun, learn heaps, and amaze yourself with your own daring!

With love,

PS - Join me in London on September 25th to transform your relationship with money…

The Financially Fearless one-day program is designed to teach an approach to success that turns making money into something fun, easy and inevitable – for anyone.

Wherever you’re at right now, the program will help you move forward and re-create your financial life from the inside-out. Click here for more information.

1. Happiness is your nature.  It is not the fruit of something you do; it is the essence of who you are.

2. Discovering your innate happiness and well-being is the key to creating what you really want in the world around you.

Here’s how I wrote about it in You Can Have What You Want:

Does this mean you need to put your life on hold while you go looking for happiness?

Absolutely not.  In fact, it’s in the midst of the noise of your life that you’re most likely to discover your own inner quiet.  And isn’t it nice to know that no matter how crazy things seem right now, you’re only ever one thought away from peace?

Have fun, learn heaps, and remember:

Happiness leads to success a heck of a lot more often
than success leads to happiness!
With love,

PS – I’ll be coming to London at the end of September…

…and would love to see you at one of our live events!

September 25th – Creating the Impossible One Day Event

September 26th – Financially Fearless One Day Event

September 27th-28th – Coaching Magic Training

I’m doing two pre-recorded radio shows today between 9am – 11am pacific (Noon – 2pm eastern; 5pm – 7pm UK)

The first will be on mastering fear, based around today’s tip; the second will be on “having and being enough” with Jen Louden as my guest.

Because these are pre-records, we will not automatically get callers, so if you’d like a bit of coaching live on air, here are the numbers to phone:

866-917-9112 (toll free)
001-760-918-4340 (outside the US)

PLEASE SHARE THIS INFORMATION AND CALL IN – I’D LOVE TO TALK WITH YOU!!!!

with love,
michael

• At level one, we are primarily concerned with performance, and our focus is on eliciting peak performance states and triggering them at the appropriate times.
• At level two, we are working with the horizontal dimension of life, sharing strategies for success in disparate areas ranging from career and money through to relationships, social action, and health.
• At level three, we are dancing directly in the vertical dimension, opening up the space for a new way of seeing the world and in so doing, transforming people’s experience in every area of their lives.

One of the issues that comes up most frequently with my coaching clients and indeed human beings in general is fear – and again, there are three levels at which fear and fearlessness can be usefully explored:

Level One:
What specifically are you afraid of?

One of the things I’ve learned is that people can learn to fear pretty much anything, and over the years I have spoken and/or worked with people suffering through everything from a fear of raccoons to a phobia of wobbly Jello.

Since we are born with only two “natural” fears – falling and loud noises – all other fears can be handled quite quickly on an individual basis through psycho-physiological interventions ranging from NLP to TFT to EMDR to the “baby bird technique” (see this short video for more thoughts on being thrown into the deep end of life and learning that you can swim!)

The problem with this approach is that the learning rarely generalizes – we overcome our fear of raccoons but Jello still terrifies us; we move past our fear of asking someone cute out on a date but cold calling sales prospects still seems completely beyond our grasp.

Level Two:

How are you using your fear?

When we look a bit deeper into the phenomenon of fear, we see that there are only three reasons why anyone would ever actually want to be afraid – to protect themselves, to motivate themselves, or some combination of the two.

Since protection and motivation are powerful drivers, often people hang on to unnecessary and even unpleasant fears because of what they are afraid would happen if they didn’t.

For example, someone who is afraid of asking for what they want might be attempting to keep themselves safe from a feeling of “rejection”; someone who is afraid of being poor is often attempting to motivate themselves to engage in more wealth-producing activities.

Here’s the problem:

• “Protective fear” often creates side-effects that are more debilitating than whatever it is you are attempting to protect yourself from.
• “Motivational fear” often backfires, creating so much discomfort that you drop out of the game rather than continuing to push yourself forward.

And even though we can see that our fear based “strategies for success” aren’t working, we’re reluctant to give them up for fear of what might happen if we did. So to intervene at this level, we question our beliefs about the necessity of fear and find alternative ways to protect and motivate ourselves.  Once these new ways take root, the “purposeful fears” we had been clinging to become easier and easier to let go.

When we understand fear in this way, it becomes considerably less scary. But there is an even deeper level of understanding which makes fearless living an even more immediate possibility…

Level Three:

What is Fear, Really?

Have you ever wondered where fear goes when it’s not there anymore?  Or where it comes from in the first place?

One of the most interesting things about fear is that it always seems to either come from something outside of us (like a raccoon or cold calling or Jello) or from something inside but separate from us (what my mentor George Pransky calls “psychological bogeymen”).

Yet when you look closely, you’ll find that every fear you experience (outside of a clear and present danger) is actually a reaction to a thought. It’s not “false evidence appearing real”, as the acronym suggests – it’s thought appearing real, in the sense that we react to the thought of a raccoon biting or dentist drilling or person shouting as if it was actually happening to us right here, right now.

Steve Chandler uses the analogy of a young child drawing a picture of a monster on a piece of paper and then running out of the room in terror. We create a scary thought in our mind, and because we do not recognize ourselves as its creator, we are run ragged by that thought, doing all sorts of things to avoid an imaginary consequence that we ourselves have constructed.

The exact moment the child sees that the monster is just a drawing and can’t hurt it, the fear is gone.  And the moment the child sees him or herself as the creator of the drawing, the very same thing that was so frightening becomes fascinating.

And the same is true for each one of us. The moment we see that our own deepest, darkest fears are just a thought, we open up a space in our minds for our innate health and wisdom and well-being to come through.

There may well still be things to do in the world – but we will do them based on what is actually wanted and needed in each situation, not as a knee-jerk fight or flight response to our own unrecognized thinking.

And the moment we recognize that we ourselves are the creators of our own experience, this very same world that was once so frightening becomes an endlessly, wonderfully fascinating place to be.

With love,

PS – Experience the three levels of coaching and more…

Get a taste of transformative “supercoaching” in action in Hertfordshire, UK this September – for more information and to register, click here.